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Sir Razz

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Posts posted by Sir Razz

  1. Re: la Résistance (Official thread)

    The Judges Have Spoken!!

    The Judges have finally spoken, after the final round of Sentences were laid down overnight regarding the traumatic kangaroo Saga.

    The verdict was handed down by 4 members in a jury and the well known Judge Roy Snyder (currently involved with the makeup of the Simpsons). Marek Hamsik and Francesco Totti both pleaded Not Guilty, which surprised many considering all of the hard evidence that has been shown against them.

    Marcus Stewart was also in the Court room to testify his version of events after seeing the whole ordeal take place with his own eyes.

    After a brief spell where the Jury took a moment to discuss the evidence shown to them, they too, decided that Marek Hamsik and Francesco Totti, were in fact GUILTY! by 3 counts of Sexual Penetration to a number of Kangaroos, The mass killings of a number of kangaroos and lieing to Police when asked questions. Judge Snyder also went on to punish the players managers, Kylan Hood and Matt Jenkins of Fiorentina and Roma, respectively. The two managers were also punished for lieing to Police and attempting to conspire against others such as Manchester United manager Razz and Atletico Madrid manager George, aswell as players such as Cristiano Ronaldo, Wayne Rooney and Marcus Stewart. The Roma Manager, Matt Jenkins, has been handed a $500,000 fine for his part in the Fiasco, however, Fiorentina manager Kylan Hood seemed to get the rougher end of the stick, as he was given a 3 game touchline ban (This means he cannot coach his side at any time during the next 3 La resistance league games) aswell as a $750,000 fine.

    Marek hamsik and Francesco Totti have been disqualified by the LRFA and the Ministry of La resistance, therefore they are unable to score points for there teams, ie, If Totti was the SP and he scored it doesnt count as an SP goal or if Hamsik got the world player of year award, it would be the next player in line who receives the award as he has been disqualified. They both must serve 72 hours of Community Service by attending a church ceremony in Milan every fortnight to pray with the Pope and the OAP members of Stefan Hagues Milan outfit :D. They have both also been fined $2 million each.


    Judge Snyder hands down his verdict.


    The four members of the Jury sit down and discuss the final sentences.


    Marek hamsik, Fransesco Totti, Matt jenkins and Kylan Hood (all shown in order above) facing big punishments.


    The Kangaroos gather for a big feast after learning that Totti and Hamsik will no longer be a problem for them.

  2. Re: 20twenty league match report thread


    Zenit Add some Young Quality to there Ranks

    Zenit St Petersburg have been busy in the transfer market after new manager Razz has been scoulding through the List of players available and spotting players he think will improve the side. The Zenit manager has had a very small Transfer budget to work with but has been able to capture 2 of Europes most feared young strikers and an up and coming star, for sure.

    Zenit managed to sign promising english prospect, Jack Wilshere, from Arsenal on a deal believed to be around $3.3million ( 1.6 million pounds ).


    The 17 year old englishman signs at Zenit on a 3 year contract.

    Moving on to the more bigger of the signings. Zenit was also able to pick up the signing of highly rated French striker Andre-Pierre Gignac from Toulouse. The deal has initially cost the Russian outfit in the region of $4.7 million ( 3.2 million pounds ) plus Hungarian midfielder Szabolcs Huszti.


    23 year old Gignac signs from Toulous on a 5 year long term contract.

    Another of the big transfers was that of 23 year old River Plate striker, Radamel Falcao. With the Columbian starlet signing on a deal which has seen $9.2 million (7.5 million pounds) plus defender Tomas Hubocan go to the Argentina based club.


    The promising Columbian signs on a 2 year deal.

    They were the Transfer signings, however, There has already been 3 players come in on loan deals from Real Madrid, Barcelona and Chelsea who were all kind enough to lend Zenit, Javier Saviola, Sergio Busquets and Franco Di santo to add some depth to the Russian side.


    Saviola, Di Santo and Busquets all join on loan from there respective clubs

  3. Re: 20twenty league match report thread

    Zenit Confirm New Coach!

    Zenit have confirmed tonight that they have parted company with manager Dic Advocaat who has stated he wants to take over the managerial vacancy at Russia after Guus Hiddink decided to quit the national post earlier this week. The new manager coming in is the vastly experienced Razz, who is expected to have no other goals this season other than to avoid relegation.

    I think that we have probably one of the weakest sides in the competition, but, having said that, there are a few very talented players for us and I will do my best in order to get the best out of the players. It will be difficult as not only do i have one of the weakest sides, I have a limited Transfer Budget which is only just under $13 million so im going to have to spend wisely. Our main aim for this season will be to avoid relegation, with there being so many good teams in this division, it will be difficult but i am adamant that myself, the Zenit St Petersburg staff members and playing staff will give there utmost to staying up for next season.


    Official word has come in that the new Zenit st Petersburg mascot will be none other than Razzaroo, the Australian Kangaroo. He is expected to run onto the pitch and punch every member of the oppositions team in the balls before every match, including the opposing manager. :)

  4. Re: la Résistance (Official thread)

    United add Physio to there Medical team.

    Manchester United have decided they wanted an added position in there Medical team to help injured players get back and rehabilitate. The move comes quick off the heels of Pim Verbeek's, Tottis wife and Cashleys wife appointments to the background staff last night.

    The new Physio will begin her job on Monday morning, flying in from canada today to get all the formalities of her contract sorted out.


    The well known pornographic actress Shyla Stylez, the new face of manchester Uniteds Medical team - Now the problem might be that United players could fake getting injured just to go to the physios office and Razz has found a simple solution to this - Any player found faking an injury will be fined $2500 and suspended for one match - :P.

    In other breaking News:

    Villarreal manager Adam Gutteridge was spotted partying overnight at Sydneys infamous Mardi Gras ceremony. The Manager of the spanish outfit has infuriated the LRFA and the Ministry of la resistance as they put together the course of events that took place last night as the drunk Villarreal manager was seen to be trying to grope the 62 year old D.J at the Mardi Gras.


    Villarreal manager Adam Gutteridge seen stripping at the Mardi Gras - This would be a good time to mention that even the homosexuals of the Mardi Gras audience were disgusted. :D:rolleyes:

  5. Re: la Résistance (Official thread)

    Staff Shuffle at United!

    Manchester United have had a change of backboard staff. 3 new personnel have been brought into the background staff at the club and it is a very good time as things seem to be up at Old Trafford. "Totti's Wife" has come onboard as a mascot and partnering her in a fantastic strip routine before every home game this season, will be none other than "Cashleys Wife".

    The two sexy divas will be at every home game this season in order to boost the morale levels of the players before kickoff. Just to make sure that they dont end up energising the opposition, Manchester United players will now come out from the dugout 3 minutes earlier so there player, and there players only, can watch the sultry divas do there work.

    This has not come free though for Manchester United, as both divas will net around $2500 a week.

    However, the 2 hotties werent the only acquisitions to the staff at United. Manchester United have also been able to sign a lucrative deal at the club is Australian Socceroos manager Pim Verbeek. The veteran dutchman comes in to help manager razz sort out his lineups for matches and his tactics.

    Im very pleased to get these 3 into our staff. weve been lacking the cutting edge in the coaching department and Pim is a sensational recruitment. The Ladies, well, what can I say? If these gals dont get us going I dont know what will!


    The former Australian coach has signed a deal with manchester United for the season and is travelling to England as we speak.


    The lady herself, known as "Totti's Wife", practicing some of her moves that will be shown every home game of next season. Now the reason for manager Razz being at that infamous BBQ 2 nights ago becomes more clear.. was he there trying to set a deal up with Totti's Wife?!?


    -Tottis Wifes partner, seen strutting her stuff in a practice session infront of manager Razz :eek::rolleyes: .Manchester United strike up yet another Gem as "Cashleys Wife" will be the other mascot partnering "Tottis Wife". These 2 look like they are gonna be a massive, INSTANT, hit!

  6. Re: la Résistance (Official thread)

    Kanga Fiasco Case, Re-opened... YET AGAIN?!?!?!

    The ministry of La Resistance have decided to re-open the Kanga fiasco case that erupted and dramaticised over alot of last season. New revelations made on the 11th hour last night have been summoned to the Australian Court of Arbitration due to be held over the course of the next few months. There has not yet been a set date time for the judges verdict to be decided but it is definately anticipated between now and around round 8 of the La Resistance League season.

    These damning reports have allegedly been made by Atletico Madrids 36 year old former Exeter City striker, Marcus Stewart, who apparently was on a family vacation at the time of the incident in Perth, Western Australia. He has written a Police report that claims that Fiorentina midfielder Marek hamsik and Roma Striker Francesco Totti were engaging in "rough and inappropriate public behaviour", before the pair saw Stewart taking photos to send to there respective clubs. This prompted Hamsik and Totti to therefore run after Marcus, but of course, the 36 year old Stewart was much too pacy for the young midfielder and veteran striker so therefore the pair inadventently attacked a vulnerable and innocent Kangaroo, which Stewart infact took a photo of the cowardly ambush.


    This - The alleged Kangaroo ambushed by the pair of Hamsik and Totti. The Kangaroo has clearly passed away as a result of the attack, and is left to rott as a deadly pythan snake sizes up the remaining body.

    This seems to be a very intriguing matter, as The Roma, Atletico and Fiorentina managers will surely have something to say about this matter that seems to never go away.

    REMINDER: Any Person found to be lieing will be assessed as perverting the court of justice and therefore will automatically be sent to jail for a minimum 3 days.

    Manchester United manager Razz had this to say about this ongoing saga:

    you know, its just one of those things that seem to just drag on a bit. I guess u could link it to a transfer signing that takes ages to happen or something.. we at Manchester United have a strong stance about violence and it is completely unneccessary and eradic. The players here have been disciplined well but it seems Fiorentina and Roma both have serious issues to deal with and I dont envy either manager having to wake up to this. I know from previois experience as I was at the head of the allegations last season but I am pleased that Man utd dont need this distraction so close to the start of the season. For Florence and Roma, In particular Fiorentina, I clearly feel that your job is on the line because I dont see u going anywhere. Your just buying players, spending chairmans money.. for what?? near relegation zone finishes and constant media scurmage? I just really feel for that club because its been put on the map for the wrong reasons.

    What Now for La Resistance?

  7. Re: la Résistance (Official thread)

    Milan preparing for new season!

    After failing to get promotion in the past 2 seasons Milan have decided to chill out for the pre season. Some of the players were involved in a recent rap contest and their message is clear for the up and coming season.


    The chorus went like this

    " Ima pop a cap in yo ***

    Cos we are good to pass

    when we release our gas

    so we gunna beat you down

    by showin our frowns

    lookin like clowns

    by takin ya to town!!!!"

    The message is clear for the up and coming season.

    " wappa dappa ding dang!!!!!! "

    Stefan u poof :P:rolleyes:

  8. Re: la Résistance (Official thread)


    United Confirm Big Signings!

    Manchester United Manager razz has spoken out about his delight at signing 24 year old centre back Pap Diakhite from Dynamo Kiev and 23 year old Bosnian striker Edin Dzeko.

    The Senegalese defender, signs on a 4 year contract and cost Man utd a little over 3 million pounds plus John O'shea. And it is likely that he will be used quite alot next season. However, this wasnt the only piece of business during the day as just 2 hours later, United swooped for then, Wolfsburg striker Dzeko. Dzeko had attracted interest from the likes of Arsenal and Schalke, but he has decided on a switch to the Red devils, keen on adding much needed depth to there ranks, on a 3 year deal with an offer of 11.2 million pounds being enough to tempt the German Outfits resolve.

    "Im rapped with these 2 signings, At the end of the last season I drew up a list of players I wanted to sign and ive signed 3 of the 4 players I wanted so im very pleased. To get players of the quality of Per, Pap and Edin is sensational for this football club and the talent we now have exceeds most others in the setup which is very pleasing. I doubt that we will be doing much more businesses during the course of now and the season opener against Sporting but you never know'. Manager Razz said.


    This Senegalese Centre Back moves to United to add much needed fire to the Defence.


    Arsenal manager Razz picks up a big attacking boost with the signing of Edin Dzeko.

    And.. for all you guys and gals that likes the Carlos tevez/Ugly betty comparisions... We have brought it back for you!



  9. Re: la Résistance (Official thread)

    Man utd Manager Has it All to do..

    Manchester United manager Razz has held a conference meeting with the Australian Federal Press overnight as the official La Resistance 3rd season took shape and all the fixtures were made. It initially seemed like Manchester United have been given one of the toughest openings to the season of anyone, and Manager Razz was unhappy with the decision of the LRFA.

    " Well, They couldnt of made it any harder on us, could they?? I mean, Sporting First, Then in the next three games we meet the 3 teams that came 1st, 2nd and third last season.. aswell as having to play Real Madrid in the Cup. We as a football club feel like we've been shunned by the FA. We will have to get over this quickly because the season starts next week. We are trying to arrange a friendly with Kylans Fiorentina but it doesnt seem to be taking shape yet."

    The manager, did however, seem to have some good news. As the Manchester United chairman has been rumoured to have ploughed over $6 million pounds into the football club.

    "I must thank the chairman, his generosity after finding our fixtures list has been very good. Now we can have some extra funds to bring in some talented players and gain some depth."

    Manchester United have been Busy in the transfer market so far with the sale of Carlos Tevez, however, he did get Mertesacker in that deal aswell as the likes of Ibrahimovic and a few more to be coming in over the next few days.


    Carlos Tevez, the "Ugly Betty" look-alike, has left Man Utd.


    This Giant German Defender seals a switch to Old Trafford in the Carlos Tevez deal.

  10. Re: la Résistance (Official thread)

    Manchester United Transfer Targets:

    Rafael Marquez

    Zlatan Ibrahimovic/Samuel Eto'o/Sergio Aguero

    And a cunning message to all of Division 1:

    " Im coming for all your soulsssssssssssssssssss."

    "Especially yours, old Mark Wallis. Your demons are as far fetched as could ever beeeee and im here to completely and utterly destroyyyyyyyyy youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu. Real Madrid will go to places they have never heard of.. bad places. And you will be at myyyyyyyyyy mercyyyyyyyyyyyyy. I am going to take back what is mine.... The division 2 championship of Season Number1... Bye taking Division 1 honours in season No.3. Watch out Mark.. You aint seen nothing yetttttttttttt"

    Cunning and frightening words by manager Razz, but can he live up to his words?

  11. Re: la Résistance (Official thread)

    Manchester United: Winners Div2!!!

    Manchester United manager Razz has hailed his sides fantastic season by wrapping up the Division 2 title in La Resistance, He would also like to mention the fact that P.A.R.K. Ji Bang! won the constructors title, if you will, and also that Kens Valencia secured the golden boot of division 1 by having Former Manchester United striker Dimitar Berbatov the winner of that accolade. But, the medals are not over yet, as Man utd striker himself, Wayne Rooney, took out the division 2 players golden boot in what has seen P.A.R.K Ji Bang! dominate the season. In the end they won it by more than 30 points which is a credit to them because they dont have the strongest sides in the likes of Valencia and Tottenham but they were able to take the win in impressive style.

    Speaking of his thrilling season at the helm of ManWho... Razz said:

    "I am absolutely delighted. I couldnt of asked for a better season. We new we had secured top spot so we decided to play the youth members today against City, and although it didnt work, the younger players showed alot of promise, with Mario Gomez scoring his first goal for the club since signing from Bremen, its a really good set of players we have and all the credit must of course go to them, as i just meerely selected which players and where they would play. To end the season with just 4 league defeats, a 3 point lead and having conceded only 20 goals in the whole season, i am so proud of the players. Over the pre-season I will look for reinforcements across the backline as I want to add some depth in that department.

    Of the Milan situation: Well, Stefan and his side can only blame themselves, They were challenging us with 2 games to go and they lost both of them games and therefore even got elipsed by 3rd placed Chelsea and now they find themselves back in Division 2 again next season. I do feel for them because they looked home but they had a tricky run in.


    Manchester United lift the title at the end of there spiteful Manchester Derby.


    Wayne Rooney celebrates his Division 2 Golden Boot award in style with Manager Razz in the background. :P

  12. Re: la Résistance (Official thread)

    Great Job to Park Ji Bang! on a job well done.

    My Manchester United qualifies for division 2 and we, somehow, clearly win the league in terms of teams so im very happy. Wayne rooney also got the golden boot for div2 so weve had a great season.

    Tis a shame, I wouldnt mind having a few swapperoonis, no ofence to the guys currently in Park Ji Bang!. would be good for a change but it doesnt matter.. if we can win the league.. im sure we'll be fine. :)

    How the heck did we end up getting 70 odd points even when valencia and man utd both lost and spurs SP didnt score *)

    do u get extra points if one of ur team members wins the lg or something? if thats the case.. thank me.. thank me hard! :D

  13. Re: la Résistance (Official thread)


    Real Madrid champions again !

    Real Madrid hosted Kens Valencia knowing a win would see them crowned champions for a second year running ' date=' they triumphed 3-1 with goals from Raul , Pepe and Van Der Vaart . Marid will be back next season hoping to make it 3 years running [/size']


    wont be easy as last seasons old foes return for revenge as Man United are finally crowned division 2 title winner :D

  14. Re: la Résistance (Official thread)

    Man Utd Seal The Division 2 Title in Emphatic Style!

    Manchester United rounded off a superb season with a thumping 4-1 win over Bayern Munich overnight. The result sees them fly 4 points ahead of 2nd placed Milan, who were beaten 2-1 by Manchester City, with just 1 game to go. It was a great game of football and it started with an electrifying pace. Bayern had the better start thought and managed to get a goal 11 minutes in as Mark Van Bommel was put through for the opening goal of the game. This was the wake-up call man utd needed as after 28 minutes, David Villa rounded Michael Rensing and slotted the equaliser, and it didnt take long untill Man utd had taken the lead. 6 minutes later Wayne Rooney gave the English side the lead.

    Italian referee Gianluca Paparesta blew his whistle to start the 2nd half and man utd were looking sensational. It was no surprise that United extended there advantage with a slick move resulting in Star Player Cristiano Ronaldo getting amongst the goals and with 12 minutes remaining, Lucho Gonzalez finished the route with a spectacular 30 yard strike

    " This was a stunning performance and I feel ive finally got the right tactics for this side, it was an experiment for the game against milan and now its gotten us 3 wins in a row which is really pleasing. The players have had a great season and u can see that by the fact we have won the league which really underlines the teams spirit at the moment. We've clearly had the best defence this season conceding only 17 goals and with Vidic continually out injured its a real compliment to the more fringer players who have stepped in and really got the job done. Now we can sit back, i think im gonna play my youth players against man city in the last game because we know we've won the league and itll be good to give the first teamers an added rest going into pre season, aswell as showcasing our amazing youth talent. It'll also be interesting, ill be keeping my eye on the Milan and Chelsea scores because both teams have to win in order to go through. Its exciting that 2nd and 3rd are really battling each other like this, and with Milan having a really tough game against Inter there gonna have to be on there game because Inter are flying right now, id say there probably the form team in the league so its going to be very intriguing."


    The man utd players celebrate after learning they had won the league.

  15. Re: la Résistance (Official thread)

    Man utd Manager plaudits his players

    Manchester United manager Razz has complimented his side on a brilliant season that should wrap up with promotion to division 1 for next season. The current crop of United players have had a great season, Leading 2nd placed rivals Milan by a point and 3rd placed chelsea by 6 points with just 2 games to go. It means only a monumental downfall in there final 2 league games would see them playing second division football next season. Not only is there a 6 point gap for chelsea to overcome, but even then they must eclipse Uniteds current 4 goal difference advantage.

    "I think weve done very well but now we dont want to slip up right at the end. Weve had a great season and now its time to leave Milan in there wake. We host Park Ji bang! teammates bayern next and a point will be enough to secure promotion, however that doesnt mean we wont be gunning for victory because Id still like to win the league given our current position."

    Are United good enough to get top spot? or will Milan surprise them and take 1st place from there grasps? and what will come of Chelsea? Coul they possibly climb this massively and seemingly impossiblyhigh rock-climbing wall??

  16. Re: la Résistance (Official thread)

    United Jump further points clear

    Manchester United have moved 4 points clear of the 2nd Division table after a thumping 4-1 win over AS Roma overnight. an Early goal from Cristiano Ronaldo (just his 1st goal in over 8 matches) put them on there way, however it didnt all go to plan as Francesco Totti pulled an unwarranted equaliser 10 minutes from halftime. Wayne Rooney Squeezed a very Impressive Manchester United outfit back into the lead 5 minutes later to go into half-Time with a 2-1 lead. That 2-1 lead didnt last long as just before the hour mark Rooney struck again to give his side a comfortable lead. United were still not done as Centr back nemanja Vidic scored a beautiful header 10 minutes later to seal the much deserved win.

    "I think we thoroughly deserved this win. We played very well from the first whistle and big credit go to the boys as were coming off of a disappointing 1-1 draw with inter last weekend and they responded very well. Rooney was exceptional tonight and Ronaldo played his best game for a long time. Unfortunately Patrice Evra will be sidelined for about 2 weeks with a Shin problem, but he could be back for the March 22 top 2 clash with Chelsea. Diego will be back for that match too but now we look towards Barcelona on Sunday Night, a game we cannot take for granted as they did us a great favor in holding Milan last night. Chelsea were also held so we have pulled away a little bit so we need to stay focussed and get the job done", Man United manager Razz speaks jubilantly about his sides display.

  17. Re: la Résistance (Official thread)


    Manchester United manager Razz has missed the past 2 championship matches in which his side has drawn 1-1 with bayern and beaten celtic 3-1. The manager has been sick in hospital with a suspected food poisioning. There has been evidence to suggest yet again, Fiorentina gaffe Kylan Hood could be involved as the police have spent the day at the managers house inspecting the place whilst Kylan was training his side.

    In Razz's absence Arsene Wenger was seen hanging around the place and in the managers box during games raising the point that he was drafted in to replace the manager as a short term thing and Razz stated : " I am very pleased with Mr. Wenger's performance, although the 1-1 draw with bayern was disappointment he picked up a vital win over celtic which i am very pleased about."

    Razz is expected to be on the sidelines coaching his team when they make the relatively short trip to english rivals Liverpool for an eagerly anticipated match-up infront of the KOP! He also sends the most of luck to Liverpool manager Tom G for the game but also has the confidence to beat them on thursday. " Liverpool have alot of suspensions and injuries to specific areas in there team and they dont have the best of squads in terms of depth but we also will have a few big players out as Patrice Evra is suspended aswell as Ronaldo so we shall see. If we really want to win the league we need to thump them".

    In other News:

    Manchester United have wrapped up the signings of young 21 year old Brazilian Midfielder Santos Ramires, 22 year old former Ajax left back Urby Emanuelson and 24 year old Uruguayan Walter Gargano from Napoli in a combined fee of about $18 million. Emanuelsen is expected to make his debut in the teams trip to Anfield on Thursday Night.

    Expected Line-up:

    Van Der Sar

    Neville Vidic Ferdinand Emanuelson

    Lucho Gonzalez Scholes Giggs


    Rooney Tevez

  18. Re: Goal Match Reports/News/Transfers Thread


    Liverpool have snapped Manager Razz from the clutches of Arsenal after a wonder hour of negotiations has prized the english turned australian over to Anfield. Just half an hour ago it seemed certain he would be on his way to the Emirates door and all of a sudden the Liverpool chairmen have broken there silence on a deal that sees the experienced manager sign for the club on a mammoth 5 year contract worth up to £7 million a month!! :eek: :eek:

    Razz is delighted :D

  19. Re: International League!

    Espanyol Cough Up for Massive Star!

    Espanyol have continued to bolster there side with the acquisition of brilliant former Barcelona striker Samuel Eto'o. The Cameroonian has stated the lure of playing with international teammates on a day-to-day basis captured his attention and was very appealing to him. Manager Razz has declared big things are expected from the star and hopes that sundays meeting with Bayern Munich does not come too soon for the striker to take part in.

    "even if he plays a bit-part role against Munich i'd be happy he gets a run out but obviously i'd like for him to be a starter because we need to get back on track after the abysmal effort of last thursday night.


    Big things to come for new Espanyol striker Eto'o?

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