Nacho Man

Re: The Rap Thread. [Game] My name is Nacho Man I'm a world diplomat I can solve the crisis in Iran But I can't stop Nathan being a prat.

Potential Risers In SWITZERLAND DISCLAIMER: I KNOW THE TIME WHEN SWITZERLAND IS REVIEWED IS A LONG TIME AWAY, BUT I WATCH QUITE A LOT OF THE FOOTBALL OVER THERE. IF I CONTINUE TO GET INFRACTIONS, THEN IT IS LIKELY I WILL NOT BE HERE TO DO THE THREAD. The Swiss League has just kicked off, so I will be offering my ‘advice’ on who is likely to be getting big rises. AC Bellinzona Alessandro CIARROCCHI - 21 - CF - 78. This young, but highly-rated, striker is attracting rave reviews for his play for AC Bellinzona. Ciarrocchi played 21 games last season, but most of his opportunities were restricted to coming off the substitutes’ bench to try and impress manager Marco Schällibaum. Before the season kicked off, however, Schällibaum announced that Ciarrocchi would be starting more games, and thus would be getting more chances to impress. And he has certainly impressed. Despite the season only being 2 games old, he scored a great volley against Neuchâtel Xamax in the first game of the season, and 7 days later he produced another fine performance that sent the press in Switzerland into delirium. He has already been tipped to be one of the season’s best youngsters, with the legendary Alex Frei giving his opinion on the youngster. For the time being, though, I think Alessandro can reach the low 80s when SM reviews Switzerland, if he continues his fine displays. Ciarrocchi has also played for Switzerland U-21s, so there is a possibility that the senior side could come calling some time soon. His style of play has earned comparisons with Italian striker Cristian Vieri. Both are physical, chunky strikers who don’t back out of challenges. The fact that Ciarrocchi and Vieri wear the number 32 is probably just a coincidence, but it certainly helps the comparions ! BSC Young Boys Seydou DOUMBIA - 21 - 83. This boy is hot stuff in Switzerland at the moment. Last season, he finished top scorer with 20 goals, despite most of the time he was on the pitch were from substitutes appearances. Jack Edwards managed to create a little thread on Seydou, but the brief report didn’t really do justice towards Switzerland’s goal machine. BSC Young Boys signed Doumbia for a paltry 150,000 Euros from Tokushima Vortis, a team currently playing in the Japanese 2nd Division. A fantastic signing it could turn out to be, for a host of Premiership clubs are ready to spend big money on a striker who has set the Swiss Super League alight . . . from the substitutes bench. Yes, that’s right; Doumbia only started 8 games last season, coming on as a substitute 24 times. I saw him play for the majority of the season, and he showed the determination to try and prove manager Vladimir Petkovic that keeping on him the bench wasn’t the best of ideas. The 21-year old is only 5ft 10, but he makes up for his lack of height with lightning speed and ferocious shooting. Last year, he was rewarded with a call-up to the Ivory Coast national side following his performances, but he hasn’t played for the side since. This could be changed if he continues to score more goals. This season, he has scored twice: in the 3-2 win over FC Zurich, and bagged another in the draw against St. Gallen. Now he has started both games this season, it appears manager Petkovic has realised that Doumbia is better utilised starting the game, rather than bringing him from the substitutes bench. Doumbia is currently rated 83, but I foresee a rise to about 85. FC Basel Federico ALMERARES - 24 - 74. Federico Almerares may not have the potential or the promise of the players in the previous posts, but he will probably rise when SM reviews Switzerland. After playing for River Plate for 5 years, Almerares decided a move was needed to kick-start his faltering career. He came to FC Basle after a successful trial, and it looks like he will become a fixture in the starting line-up. The goals haven’t started yet, but it looks like it might be a while before they will; Almerares hasn’t really impressed me, but I aim to provide risers. I reckon he’ll get about 7 goals this season, which could get him a rise. For smaller teams, he will be an ideal buy. Neuchâtel Xamax Abdullah Omar Ismail - 21 - Not on DB. Abdullah Omar Ismail isn’t (to my knowledge) on the database, but I think he should be after some classy performances for Neuchâtel Xamax, and the fact he has played nearly 20 internationals for Bahrain. Although I haven’t seen any of his games for Bahrain, I am led to believe that he is a key player for the team, at the tender age of 21. Omar started his career at Muharraq Club, located in Bahrain. From the age of 19, he was a regular at the club before joining Neuchâtel Xamax this July. Ismail plays in the centre of midfield, but has played in an attacking midfielder role for Bahrain in the past. Neuchâtel Xamax were lacking a central midfielder for the start of the season, so Omar was brought in and has injected skill and class into Neuchâtel, which was missing before he was brought in. If someone asks SM to add him onto the database, and once he is added, I will update this player’s profile; about whether to buy him, whether he will rise. So that is 4 players who I think will probably rise when Switzerland is reviewed. The first two players will probably rise to a higher rating than the latter two, but all have the ability to rise and make a profit for your teams. Thankyou.

Re: The Rap Thread. [Game] I'm going for a poo, Where it'll be really smelly. Then I'm going to buy a shoe, Should I get a welly ? Yeah, people, you've got me in a chuff, You told me that my shoes are floppy. So I had to lick Muntasir's muff, Which, I tell you, was very sloppy.

Re: The Rap Thread. [Game]

Re: The Rap Thread. [Game]

Re: Ben Wright. English Goldenboy..

Re: Emmanuel Mbola

Re: Mario Gavranovic I saw what you did there.

DISCLAIMER: THIS IS MY FIRST ATTEMPT AT MAKING A SCOUT THREAD, SO MOCK ME GENTLY PLEASE. Nzuzi Toko Nzuzi Toko Bundebele, or Nzuzi Toko, is a Congolese midfielder currently playing for Swiss Axpo Super League side Grasshopper Club Zurich, in the Swiss Super League. Toko is a tender 18 years old, but has already started to stake his claim for Grasshopper Club Zurich. He first played for the senior Grasshopper team in August 2008 against Polish side Lech Poznan. That game would be the start of something special for this young footballer. Toko then jumped up successfully from the UEFA Cup qualifier to the Swiss league. How do I know this ? Well, put simply, I saw him play in quite a few of those games. Sunday, 5 October 2008 Grasshoppers Zürich 1-1 FC Basel 3 Minutes. Sunday, 16 November 2008 Grasshoppers Zürich 1-0 Neuchâtel Xamax FC 88 Minutes. Sunday, 22 February 2009 Grasshoppers Zürich 1-0 FC Luzern 11 Minutes. Wednesday, 11 March 2009 FC Aarau 1-0 Grasshoppers Zürich 31 Minutes. Sunday, 15 March 2009 AC Bellinzona 6-2 Grasshoppers Zürich 66 Minutes. Sunday, 19 April 2009 BSC Young Boys 3-1 Grasshoppers Zürich 5 Minutes. Now, people, it doesn't take a genius to work out that Grasshopper Zurich weren't having the best of times at this point in the season. I should know, seeing as I have a certain kind of fondness for the club. Whether it be because of their successes in the past, I know not. What I do know, however, is that Toko is an exciting player playing great football for one of the best teams in Switzerland. No offence to Sion, but they aren't exactly world-beaters. That is why I think he might become a great player in Switzerland, because it certainly helps playing with the big-boys. This season, Toko has been restricted to being on the substitutes bench, but has foreced manager Roger Berbig to give him a run-out against Aarau and Sion. I can tell, in the future, that this young player will be getting more games. How do you know such a thing ? I know because it would be criminal not playing such a young, exciting player. SM Database Info He is rated 74 on the database. I think he will reach at least 78 when SM changes Switzerland at some point in the near future. If he continues the way he has started his career, I can safely see a rating in the 80s. I hope I have helped you pick up a money-spinner, or even possibly a talent you want to keep hold of. I aim to please.

Re: Marko Marin I would keep him because of his recent transfer to Werder Bremen and the fact he will be a big part of Germany's future. The transfer wouldn't go through anyway, so it is a pretty immaterial question.

Re: Jokes An old lady came home from the church bring and buy sale quite pleased that she had managed to get an old oil lamp to replace the one she'd broken. Sitting it on the kitchen table she began to give the glass cover a good old clean when in a puff of smoke a little old man appeared. "Fuck me!" she said "Who the hell are you?" "I am the genie of the lamp and you now have three wishes." "Yeah right! Like I believe all that bollocks. OK if you're a Genie then make me young again. Make me 21." There was a flash and the old lady felt very different and rushing over to the mirror she was overjoyed at seeing her young self looking back. "Oh god this is marvelous. Ok Genie make me the richest girl in the country." Another puff of smoke and there on the table was a bank statement with her name on showing quite a ridiculous amount of money in the balance column. "Right well for my last wish I've always wanted a really tight cunt." And in a puff of smoke there stood Gordon Brown. ------------------------------------------------ At an international medical conference, four doctors were discussing the state of medicine in their respective countries. The Israeli doctor said, 'Medicine in my country is so advanced, we can take a kidney out of one person, put it in another, and have him looking for work in six weeks.' The German doctor said, 'That's nothing! In Germany, we can take a lung out of one person, put it in another, and have him looking for work in four weeks.' The Russian doctor said, 'In my country medicine is so advanced, we can take half a heart from one person, put it in another, and have them both looking for work in two weeks.' The English doctor, not to be outdone, said 'Hah!. We can take an arsehole out of Scotland, put him in 10 Downing Street and have half the country looking for work within twenty-four hours! --------------------------------------------- Gordon Brown was not elected by us, he was given to us. Does this make him a donation? If so can we give the fucker back? -------------------------------------------- An Old priest lay dying in hospital. For years, he had faithfully served the people of London. He motioned for his nurse to come near. "Yes, Father?" she said. "I would really like to see Tony Blair and Gordon Brown before I die," whispered the priest. "I'll see what I can do, Father," said the nurse. The nurse sent the request to the House of Commons and waited for a response. Soon the word arrived that Tony and Gordon would be delighted to meet the priest. As they went to the hospital, Gordon commented to Tony: "I don't know why the old priest would want to meet us, but it certainly might help our images and even get me elected for Prime Minister for another term. Tony agreed that it was a very good especially if they got press coverage. When they arrived at the hospital bed the old priest took Gordan's hand in his right hand and Tony's Hand in his left. There was a silence and the look of serenity on the priest face. Finally Gordon spoke. "Father, of all the people you could have chosen why choose us to be with you as you near the end?" The Old preist replied slowly: "I have always tried to pattern my life after our Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ." "Amen" said Gordon. "Amen" said Tony. The old priest continued: "He died between two lying bastards. I would like to do the same." -------------------------------------------------- Gordon Brown and his driver were cruising along a country road one night when all of a sudden they hit a pig, killing it instantly. Gordon told his driver to go up to the farm house and explain to the owners what had happened. About 1 hour later Gordon sees his driver staggering back to the car with a bottle of wine in one hand, a cigar in the other and his clothes all ripped and torn. "What happened to you", asked Gordon. Well, the Farmer gave me the wine, his wife gave me the Cigar and his gorgeous 19 year old daughter ripped my clothes off and gave me a blow job. "My God, what did you tell them", asks Brown. The driver replies, "I'm Gordon Brown's driver, and I just killed the pig out on the road."

Re: European based Players I predict do well next season Did you not hear that he has just been granted French citizenship a few seconds ago ?

Re: Luis Suarez @ Ajax?

Re: Mugshots To be fair, I only posted it once. Making shizz up about me posting it over and over again isn't true - why lie ? And aren't you not allowed to swear, even with asterisks ?

Re: Luis Suarez @ Ajax?