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I Am Going To Be On Britiains Got Talent!

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Re: I Am Going To Be On Britiains Got Talent!

Make Some Jokes About The Judges Up... Original Ones...

That could work although i wouldn't be suprised if the judges didn't put you through because of spite. :P

I think that could work if you get through to the public votes as people at home love to see the judges embarrsed but i wouldn't go for that in the trial stages. ;)

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Re: I Am Going To Be On Britiains Got Talent!

What did the big telephone say to the little telephone?

You're too young to be engaged.

What do you get if you cross snowman and a shark?

Frost bite.

Why did the farmer call his pig Ink?

Because he kept running out of the pen!!

What do you call a man with no arms or legs and lays in front of your door?

Matt.

Why did the dumb guy get fired from the M&M factory?

He kept throwing out the W's!

Any of them good? :D

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Re: I Am Going To Be On Britiains Got Talent!

Honestly? no. lol. They are Primary School jokes.

Sit down with a pen and paper and use your imagination and come up with some of your own material. Impersonating the judges may be a good idea as someone touched on, people like Simon Cowell are pretty easy to impersonate if you have true comedy talent.

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Re: I Am Going To Be On Britiains Got Talent!

If you wanna get on TV be really, really bad. Think up some really unfunny jokes and speak like you were never educated and have just come off the street (and add a lisp :P). Then when the judges tell you you're awful have a massive go at them, telling you all your mates think you have what it takes....

Then you might get on TV.

P.S. Dress like a tramp aswell ;)

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Re: I Am Going To Be On Britiains Got Talent!

poor jokes :D

Once upon a time a Priest was walking past a small marsh land when all of a sudden a frog spoke these words: "Please help me priest, I used to be a choirboy and then this nasty witch turned me into a frog, now the only way the spell can be broken is if I sleep in the bed of a religious person, please help me. :("

The Priest agreed and the frog stayed in the Priests bed with him for the night, and low and behold the frog turned into a choirboy. And that your honour! is how this case actually happened!

:o

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Re: I Am Going To Be On Britiains Got Talent!

Some good ones here:

http://www.damnationfestival.co.uk/forums/viewtopic.php?t=826&postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=800

Not sure they'll be allowed on Britain's Got Talent though... there's a reason I only posted a link, not the actual jokes. :P

My favourite is the long one about tourettes about 2/3 of the way down. :D

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Re: I Am Going To Be On Britiains Got Talent!

Simon Cowell dies and goes to heaven ,

Gabriel says " Wheres your cup "

" My cup" says Cowell

You cant get in heaven without a cup says Gabriel,

Simon goes back down to earth and 5 minutes later comes back with Louie Walsh ,

Whos this says Gabriel.

Well i couldnt find a cup but fetched the biggest Mug i could find ,

" can i get in now ":D ;):)

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Re: I Am Going To Be On Britiains Got Talent!

Simon Cowell dies and goes to heaven ' date='

Gabriel says " Wheres your cup "

" My cup" says Cowell

You cant get in heaven without a cup says Gabriel,

Simon goes back down to earth and 5 minutes later comes back with Louie Walsh ,

Whos this says Gabriel.

Well i couldnt find a cup but fetched the biggest Mug i could find ,

" can i get in now ":D ;):)[/quote']

LOL thats good

There an irish man and english man and a scotsman and they see a cow in a field .

Irish man says that cows irish,

Englishman says its not its English ,

Scotsman says are you both blind its got bagpipes underneath.

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Re: I Am Going To Be On Britiains Got Talent!

I Applied for a place in Britains got Talent and I've got it' date=' my nickname is Jordan Jokes :D 2nd December 10.00, I need some jokes, So tell me some[/quote']

Well seems its December tell them a xmas one .

"Not long ago and far away, Santa was getting ready for his annual trip... but there were problems everywhere.

Four of his elves were sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule.

Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her mom was coming to visit. This stressed Santa even more.

When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven knows where.

More Stress. Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the boards cracked and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys.

So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of coffee and a shot of whiskey. When he went to the cupboard, he found the elves had hidden the liquor and there was nothing to drink.

In his frustration, he dropped the coffee pot and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the he kitchen floor.

He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw it was made from.

Just then the doorbell rang and Santa cussed on his way to the door. He opened the door and there was a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.

The angel said: "Where would you like to put this tree Santa?"

And that my friends, is how the little angel came to be on top of the Christmas tree.":D :)

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Guest Phill

Re: I Am Going To Be On Britiains Got Talent!

well if you are going to be a joker youll need either 5/6 rubbish short jokes or 1 Hilarious joke like that welsh teen last year the one where that woman asked the barman for the manager while stroking te guys beard and he says hes out and he asked could i pass anything on and she says there aint any toilet paper in the ladies so get a big funny joke tell it to friends family and see what they think if they dont like it try to make it better and also if your going with the big long one get 2 if they like the first one and want more ;)

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Re: I Am Going To Be On Britiains Got Talent!

I told the wife I was going to get her diamonds for christmas. She said nothing would please her more. So I'm getting her nothing instead.

-----------------

what do you call an altar-boy at a catholic priest christmas party?

1st prize

-----------------

How does santa know when he's at a Jewish house?

There's a parking meter on the roof.

(sorry about them, but thats tame for me)

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