Robocod 676 Posted March 29, 2009 Report Share Posted March 29, 2009 Re: The Lyric Competition. Verse One When your heart is broken, Can you comprehend the pain? How about twice, even thrice, Its always in my direction. Verse Two Eternal Lies, Eternal Hatrid, Aimed at those who do nothing, *Who do nothing* Helpless to the onslaught, Onslaught of Fear and Anguish. Bridge One We ask for change, We get nothing. We ask for nothing, We get it. Chorus Why the suffering, Why the agony? I'ma telling you why, Because of you. Verse Three When theres nothing left, When the balance is broken, Take their life away! Take their hope away! Bridge Two It Must Be enough, It must end with this. Structure: Opening Riff Verse One Bridge One Verse Two Chorus Verse Three Chorus Guitar Solo Chorus Bridge Two (Fade Out) Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Sky Blue Lee 5,407 Posted March 29, 2009 Author Report Share Posted March 29, 2009 Re: The Lyric Competition. Verse OneWhen your heart is broken' date=' Can you comprehend the pain? How about twice, even thrice, Its always in my direction. Verse Two Eternal Lies, Eternal Hatrid, Aimed at those who do nothing, *Who do nothing* Helpless to the onslaught, Onslaught of Fear and Anguish. Bridge One We ask for change, We get nothing. We ask for nothing, We get it. Chorus Why the suffering, Why the agony? I'ma telling you why, Because of you. Verse Three When theres nothing left, When the balance is broken, Take their life away! Take their hope away! Bridge Two It Must Be enough, It must end with this. Structure: Opening Riff Verse One Bridge One Verse Two Chorus Verse Three Chorus Guitar Solo Chorus Bridge Two (Fade Out)[/quote'] I think the chorus is a bit Bradbury-esque (i.e. weak). It needs fleshing out. 6 lines minimum, and make it catchier! Just some pointers from someone who obviously thinks he knows what he's doing. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Sky Blue Lee 5,407 Posted March 29, 2009 Author Report Share Posted March 29, 2009 Re: The Lyric Competition. Here's a pretty bumface song. I think the term 'filler' springs to mind. The Truth It’s so hazy in my mind But I’ll keep trying to find All the reasons why I like to lie But what can I do? I’m only inhuman I can’t get by But if I lie Life just goes alright But now I’m living different lies Stringing together my many lives I hate myself For not being me And when I talk to you I wish it was true But what can I do? I can’t get by But if I lie Life just goes alright But now I’m living different lies Stringing together my many lives I’m only inhuman. Thank you, and goodnight. Help me improve it, peeps. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
darshan j. 1,162 Posted March 30, 2009 Report Share Posted March 30, 2009 Re: The Lyric Competition. I've got this massive hoarding of poems/songs stashed somewhere in my room, and it's gonna be a right battle to find 'em, but I've got a few on the computer. They really aren't much, just scribblings following emotional breakdowns i didnt think things would end this way all i ever wanted was to see you happy, and i feel empty without you already. it ended so rough why wasnt it simple there was a time i would have done anything to have you again now i look back at this wrecked casette and know it cannot be rewinded this is not my fault whatever you want, you can have, now when i get over this there is no turning back never ever gonna forget how you hurt me so bad never thought you'd have to leave me for something i know i didnt do im left drowning here in my lost sorrows i dont want you, i dont want you now my nights are cold, im sleepless, restless without you i dont think i can ever feel the way i was when i was with you, and ive just realised this wrecked casette cannot be rewinded. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Baseball Furie 2,932 Posted March 30, 2009 Report Share Posted March 30, 2009 Re: The Lyric Competition. I've made a few mistakes. you know that this is true, When I try to say I'm sorry, It means that I love you. Your all I ever wanted, all I ever need, Me and you forever baby, Is the way that it should be. You'll never just quite know, How I love you, But I'll prove it time and time again, To show you it's all true. So be mine forever and never look back in vain, I love you so much and I Don't want to lose you again. :? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Sky Blue Lee 5,407 Posted April 18, 2009 Author Report Share Posted April 18, 2009 Re: The Lyric Competition. These are my two latest songs, Ride Into The Light and Fear and Self-Haunting. Ride Into The Light I Have I seen my fate? In my dreams, in my maiden years One of selfish, hedonist hate. Nae, for to sum my fears Will see this fate as petty Hah, all my dreams so dark are petty I I will find the light Do my visions guide me Or hinder me, slightly? Shall I wake and be free? Only if I catch the light. We ride! Out of the darkness we ride! On our steeds made of hope we ride Into the light! I I will find the light Do my morals guide me Or do they distract me? They will wake and be free Only if We ride! Out of the dark night we ride! On the backs of dreams of hope we ride! Into the light! Fear and Self-Haunting I don't want to go to sleep tonight. I can see you in the edge of my eye. I can feel you lurking on the inside There's a ghost in this machine. I sense you over in the shadows Climbing up the walls. I'm too scared to, I don't want to know What's climbing up the walls I don't want to turn on the light Despite it's reduced risk of fright 'Cause moving exposes one to night The substance in the night There's a ghost in my machines. You're on standby Standby for my death Can't fight your pressure For fear of my own death. I don't want to go to sleep tonight. The bed's too warm to be polite. But I'm too tired to fight. There is life in the machines. You're on standby Standby for my death Can't fight your pressure For fear of my own death. I don't want to go to sleep tonight... ...But... I can't .... seem to help...... it................. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Baseball Furie 2,932 Posted April 18, 2009 Report Share Posted April 18, 2009 Re: The Lyric Competition. It's about a Duel back in the 19th century in a Texan town A Man rides down a dusty road, No time to stand and wait, travelling on his trusty steed, As he rides towards his fate. The saloon was bare no one in sight, As he rode in to town, but for one silouhetted figure, content on shooting him down, No time for cowards no time for wimps, No time for backing down, One of these would die today, The other take his crown. CONTINUED: As he reached for his trusty friend, For one of these men it would be the end, a whirling wind and haunting sound, He collects himself and looks down at the ground. The time is here he lifts his hand, shoots so quick the foe is damned. He falls down with a mighty scream, The man stands tall and believes it a dream, For the foe today will be his last, as he pictures memories of his past. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Sky Blue Lee 5,407 Posted May 15, 2009 Author Report Share Posted May 15, 2009 Re: The Lyric Competition. A Man rides down a dusty road' date='No time to stand and wait, travelling on his trusty steed, As he rides towards his fate. The saloon was bare no one in sight, As he rode in to town, but for one silouhetted figure, content on shooting him down, No time for cowards no time for wimps, No time for backing down, One of these would die today, The other take his crown. As he reached for his trusty friend, For one of these men it would be the end, a whirling wind and haunting sound, He collects himself and looks down at the ground. The time is here he lifts his hand, shoots so quick the foe is damned. He falls down with a mighty scream, The man stands tall and believes it a dream, For the foe today will be his last, as he pictures memories of his past.[/quote'] Hmmm, I was considering a second final verse here, more a reprise of the first, as it rounds off the tale nicely. A Man rides down a dusty road, He had seen his fate. Travelling on his trusty steed, Another day awaits. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
quaresman 151 Posted June 6, 2009 Report Share Posted June 6, 2009 Re: The Lyric Competition. If you've got dreams in your heart why don't you share them with me? and if dreams don't come true I'll make sure that you're nightmares are through If you've got pain in your heart why don't you share it with me? and we'll just wait and see if it's half of what it used to be And lay it down slow lay it down free lay it down easy but lay it on me If you've got love in your heart why don't you keep it with mine? I can't promise a miracle but I'll always be trying And lay it down slow lay it down free lay it down easy but lay it on me Lay it down easy lay it on me Lay it down easy but lay it on me Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Sky Blue Lee 5,407 Posted July 6, 2009 Author Report Share Posted July 6, 2009 Re: The Lyric Competition. I just threw this together now in about 15 minutes. It's about a girl who is in a good relationship with her boyfriend, but when another man of equal qualities arrives on the scene, she is stuck as to who to go with. It's pretty much on the ground floor at the minute, but give me your feedback and edits and we can get it better. The Good Kind of Heartbreak...? So there's this pretty little girl She's in a pretty damn good world She's got a lovely fella by her side But there's another bloke in town Given her world a little frown Her head's getting ever-so-slightly fried This boy's a little quiet Humour he can supply it But he keeps it in his headcase box Her man can do the same more often, Such a shame That she may leave him out on the rocks! She flips a coin Heads or tails? Her man or the boy? Can she fail? Oh, who can say?! The girl's got a headache! She doesn't know Which one to go for One or the other They both live with their mothers Is this the good kind of heartbreak? She flips a coin Heads or tails? Her man or the boy? Can she fail? She tries to keep a one-track mind But she's beginning now to find It difficult to keep her mind still But even though she's plain confused She's trying so hard to refuse The chance to change her man just for the thrill. The girl's got a headache! It's a tug-o'-war And she feels like a whore! She can choose right or left But stays emotionally messed Is this the good kind of heartbreak? Either way she's satisfied She'll have someone with to abide Yet for the one she leaves she will still ache The sword is double-edged Just like her one-man pledge Whoever it is, there will be heartbreak. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Chambo 3,330 Posted August 5, 2009 Report Share Posted August 5, 2009 Re: The Lyric Competition. If you've got dreams in your heartwhy don't you share them with me? and if dreams don't come true I'll make sure that you're nightmares are through If you've got pain in your heart why don't you share it with me? and we'll just wait and see if it's half of what it used to be And lay it down slow lay it down free lay it down easy but lay it on me If you've got love in your heart why don't you keep it with mine? I can't promise a miracle but I'll always be trying And lay it down slow lay it down free lay it down easy but lay it on me Lay it down easy lay it on me Lay it down easy but lay it on me This is class imo Quote Link to post Share on other sites
craig 8,164 Posted August 19, 2009 Report Share Posted August 19, 2009 Re: The Lyric Competition. When you have your lyrics completed you can post them in the SONGWRITERS THREAD. They will be made into a song and uploaded on YOUTUBE. (then posted in songwriters thread) here's an example with Lyrics posted in the SONGWRITERS THREAD by SKY BLUE LEE. SONG NAME: WITH SOMEONE ELSE LYRICS: SKY BLUE LEE MUSIC: CRAIG XKk0laENPDc Quote Link to post Share on other sites
PrestonDan 488 Posted August 19, 2009 Report Share Posted August 19, 2009 Re: The Lyric Competition. a quick poem On soccer manager i am the greatest, Barcelona title was the latest. Its not just the tactics or the players i buy. The fans sing my name with a tear in their eye. Either four five one or Three five two, My opposition doesnt have a clue. Cos i'm winning and my fans a singing, and thank me for the cups im bringing. Armand_Mufc 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
craig 8,164 Posted August 19, 2009 Report Share Posted August 19, 2009 Re: The Lyric Competition. a quick poemOn football manager i am the greatest' date=' Barcelona title was the latest. Its not just the tactics or the players i buy. The fans sing my name with a tear in their eye. Either four five one or Three five two, My opposition doesnt have a clue. Cos i'm winning and my fans a singing, and thank me for the cups im bringing. Dont put this on utube or make it into anything, i can do it myself if i wanted to. Cheers[/quote'] no problem, it won't be You'd have to post it in the SONGWRITERS THREAD first, before it is considered. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Sky Blue Lee 5,407 Posted September 7, 2009 Author Report Share Posted September 7, 2009 Re: The Lyric Competition. Lee needs help with this one. Complex is the word to use To summarise my mind It fidgets as if I'd been abused And to you I show only one part I've got my knee stuck in the railings And my foot's in my mouth Tried to travel up to you But my mind's headed down south And I've tried so hard to untie This gordian knot When I said you're all I need I lied, I'm missing a lot Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Baseball Furie 2,932 Posted January 22, 2010 Report Share Posted January 22, 2010 Re: The Lyric Competition. get this back on track: I've been missing you for so long, Hoping for you to come home, Wishing to see you through that door, Is love such a crime? You said you loved me then, I say I love you now, I wish we could start again, Just give me some more time. It's a slow acoustic love song, and hope to add a more powerful chorus to it It's just a start, just wanted some feedback on it, nothing too harsh please it's my first idea's in a while Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Sky Blue Lee 5,407 Posted January 23, 2010 Author Report Share Posted January 23, 2010 Re: The Lyric Competition. Yay! Mo' lyrics! Here's the now-complete version of what I posted last time, entitled 'Two Sides to Every Lie'. Complex is the word to use To summarise my mind It shifts as though it's been abused And to you I show only one part I tell you I'm a man of my word but You don't know my words are scrambled My meanings aren't so absolute What goes around comes around. I've got my knee stuck in the railings And my foot's in my mouth Tried to travel up to you But my mind's headed down south And I've tried so hard to untie This gordian knot When I said you're all I need I lied, I'm missing a lot It's not that I don't feel bad I won't be 'til I've been caught out But when I miss the things I had Can't blame me for wanting them I tell you you're the only one but hey, You don't know of my history Gluttony's pleasure but as they say What goes around comes around I've got my knee stuck in the railings And my foot's in my mouth Tried to travel up to you But my mind's headed down south And I've tried so hard to untie This gordian knot When I said you're all I need I lied, I'm missing a lot What goes around comes around. And here's a shorter, more harrowing, yet more optimistic one, entitled 'Easy Pickings'. I hear you're easy pickings again How splendid And now I am wanting you again How splendid And I'll try not to have you again How splendid And I hope that I'm lying again How splendid You know I'm free all the time Yes, always But am I still lonely all the time Yes, always I'm still asking for you all the time Yes, always I want you to answer every time "Yes, always" I hear you're easy pickings again How splendid get this back on track:I've been missing you for so long' date=' Hoping for you to come home, Wishing to see you through that door, Is love such a crime? You said you loved me then, I say I love you now, I wish we could start again, Just give me some more time. It's a slow acoustic love song, and hope to add a more powerful chorus to it It's just a start, just wanted some feedback on it, nothing too harsh please it's my first idea's in a while [/quote'] Oi, Batman! I noticed you wrote lyrics similar to these earlier on in the thread. Put them together. I've made a few mistakes. you know that this is true, When I try to say I'm sorry, It means that I love you. Your all I ever wanted, all I ever need, Me and you forever baby, Is the way that it should be. You'll never just quite know, How I love you, But I'll prove it time and time again, To show you it's all true. So be mine forever and never look back in vain, I love you so much and I Don't want to lose you again. Them's yours. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Baseball Furie 2,932 Posted January 23, 2010 Report Share Posted January 23, 2010 Re: The Lyric Competition. I prefer the lyrical and sentence structure to my second piece, I realised you don't always have to rhyme. Weirdly, listen to Biffy Clyro - Many Of Horrors, I got the inspiration for the second off that, I like how it is put together Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Sky Blue Lee 5,407 Posted January 23, 2010 Author Report Share Posted January 23, 2010 Re: The Lyric Competition. Well, you know me. I'm always toying with new ideas in terms of constructing songs and stuff. Maybe seeing as the verses don't rhyme, perhaps make the chorus rhyme, in order to really sell it, and get some more power out of it. This occurs of course by making the chorus catchier, and different in style to the rest of the song in the way it's written. I don't really want to throw some actual lyrics into your melting pot at the minute; I'm a bit barren at the mo, still trying to cook up some of my current ideas into actual songs myself, and besides, it's your song. Them's just some ideas to help. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Baseball Furie 2,932 Posted January 23, 2010 Report Share Posted January 23, 2010 Re: The Lyric Competition. Well' date=' you know me. I'm always toying with new ideas in terms of constructing songs and stuff. Maybe seeing as the verses don't rhyme, perhaps make the chorus rhyme, in order to really sell it, and get some more power out of it. This occurs of course by making the chorus catchier, and different in style to the rest of the song in the way it's written. I don't really want to throw some actual lyrics into your melting pot at the minute; I'm a bit barren at the mo, still trying to cook up some of my current ideas into actual songs myself, and besides, it's your song. Them's just some ideas to help. [/quote'] We need to move and form a band my friend. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Sky Blue Lee 5,407 Posted January 23, 2010 Author Report Share Posted January 23, 2010 Re: The Lyric Competition. We need to move and form a band my friend. OOH, OOH, OOH!!!! Bagsy drums! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Baseball Furie 2,932 Posted January 26, 2010 Report Share Posted January 26, 2010 Re: The Lyric Competition. OOH' date=' OOH, OOH!!!!Bagsy drums![/quote'] ohh, ohh, bagsy, hmm can I sing? I'd love to but don't know if I can. If not, guitar Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Sky Blue Lee 5,407 Posted January 26, 2010 Author Report Share Posted January 26, 2010 Re: The Lyric Competition. Here's a lyric I just came up with. I believe in Heaven now, Just so you have somewhere to go. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Midnight to Six 5,396 Posted January 26, 2010 Report Share Posted January 26, 2010 Re: The Lyric Competition. Here's a lyric I just came up with.I believe in Heaven now' date=' Just so you have somewhere to go.[/i'] Quite interesting that. And I believe quite true in a lot of cases. The thought of 'nothingness' is quite a tough one to grasp and people don't really give it much though. Nice one Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Sky Blue Lee 5,407 Posted January 26, 2010 Author Report Share Posted January 26, 2010 Re: The Lyric Competition. So I've finished it now. For A Friend You would say it's for the best Now that only your friends are all that's left To live without you I still grasp your hand firmly My friend, I have to let you move on But I will keep you For a friend away I preserve your colour. For every day That isn't forever. For the true way Our souls combined For a friend Who's left behind. The ones who know you Have your life forever kept Within themselves They say it's for the best As without something, it is best loved For all ourselves. For a friend away I preserve your colour. For every day That isn't forever. For the true way Our souls combined For a friend Who's left behind. I believe in Heaven So that there is somewhere For you to go. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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