The Lyric Competition.

[Robocod 676]

Re: The Lyric Competition.

Verse One

When your heart is broken,

Can you comprehend the pain?

How about twice, even thrice,

Its always in my direction.

Verse Two

Eternal Lies, Eternal Hatrid,

Aimed at those who do nothing, *Who do nothing*

Helpless to the onslaught,

Onslaught of Fear and Anguish.

Bridge One

We ask for change,

We get nothing.

We ask for nothing,

We get it.

Chorus

Why the suffering,

Why the agony?

I'ma telling you why,

Because of you.

Verse Three

When theres nothing left,

When the balance is broken,

Take their life away!

Take their hope away!

Bridge Two

It Must Be enough,

It must end with this.

Structure:

Opening Riff

Verse One

Bridge One

Verse Two

Chorus

Verse Three

Chorus

Guitar Solo

Chorus

Bridge Two (Fade Out)

[Sky Blue Lee 5,407]

Re: The Lyric Competition.

Verse One

When your heart is broken' date='

Can you comprehend the pain?

How about twice, even thrice,

Its always in my direction.

Verse Two

Eternal Lies, Eternal Hatrid,

Aimed at those who do nothing, *Who do nothing*

Helpless to the onslaught,

Onslaught of Fear and Anguish.

Bridge One

We ask for change,

We get nothing.

We ask for nothing,

We get it.

Chorus

Why the suffering,

Why the agony?

I'ma telling you why,

Because of you.

Verse Three

When theres nothing left,

When the balance is broken,

Take their life away!

Take their hope away!

Bridge Two

It Must Be enough,

It must end with this.

Structure:

Opening Riff

Verse One

Bridge One

Verse Two

Chorus

Verse Three

Chorus

Guitar Solo

Chorus

Bridge Two (Fade Out)[/quote']

I think the chorus is a bit Bradbury-esque (i.e. weak). It needs fleshing out. 6 lines minimum, and make it catchier! Just some pointers from someone who obviously thinks he knows what he's doing.

[Sky Blue Lee 5,407]

Re: The Lyric Competition.

Here's a pretty bumface song. I think the term 'filler' springs to mind.

The Truth

It’s so hazy in my mind

But I’ll keep trying to find

All the reasons why

I like to lie

But what can I do?

I’m only inhuman

I can’t get by

But if I lie

Life just goes alright

But now I’m living different lies

Stringing together my many lives

I hate myself

For not being me

And when I talk to you

I wish it was true

But what can I do?

I can’t get by

But if I lie

Life just goes alright

But now I’m living different lies

Stringing together my many lives

I’m only inhuman.

Thank you, and goodnight.

Help me improve it, peeps.

[darshan j. 1,162]

Re: The Lyric Competition.

I've got this massive hoarding of poems/songs stashed somewhere in my room, and it's gonna be a right battle to find 'em, but I've got a few on the computer.

They really aren't much, just scribblings following emotional breakdowns

i didnt think things would end this way

all i ever wanted was to see you happy,

and i feel empty without you already.

it ended so rough why wasnt it simple

there was a time

i would have done anything to have you again

now i look back at this wrecked casette

and know it cannot be rewinded

this is not my fault

whatever you want, you can have,

now when i get over this

there is no turning back

never ever gonna forget

how you hurt me so bad

never thought you'd have to leave me for something i know i didnt do

im left drowning here in my lost sorrows

i dont want you,

i dont want you

now my nights are cold,

im sleepless, restless without you

i dont think i can ever feel the way i was when i was with you,

and ive just realised

this wrecked casette cannot be rewinded.

[Baseball Furie 2,932]

Re: The Lyric Competition.

I've made a few mistakes.

you know that this is true,

When I try to say I'm sorry,

It means that I love you.

Your all I ever wanted,

all I ever need,

Me and you forever baby,

Is the way that it should be.

You'll never just quite know,

How I love you,

But I'll prove it time and time again,

To show you it's all true.

So be mine forever and never look back in vain,

I love you so much and I Don't want to lose you again.

:?

[Sky Blue Lee 5,407]

Re: The Lyric Competition.

These are my two latest songs, Ride Into The Light and Fear and Self-Haunting.

Ride Into The Light

I

Have I seen my fate?

In my dreams, in my maiden years

One of selfish, hedonist hate.

Nae, for to sum my fears

Will see this fate as petty

Hah, all my dreams so dark are petty

I

I will find the light

Do my visions guide me

Or hinder me, slightly?

Shall I wake and be free?

Only if I catch the light.

We ride!

Out of the darkness we ride!

On our steeds made of hope we ride

Into the light!

I

I will find the light

Do my morals guide me

Or do they distract me?

They will wake and be free

Only if

We ride!

Out of the dark night we ride!

On the backs of dreams of hope we ride!

Into the light!

Fear and Self-Haunting

I don't want to go to sleep tonight.

I can see you in the edge of my eye.

I can feel you lurking on the inside

There's a ghost in this machine.

I sense you over in the shadows

Climbing up the walls.

I'm too scared to, I don't want to know

What's climbing up the walls

I don't want to turn on the light

Despite it's reduced risk of fright

'Cause moving exposes one to night

The substance in the night

There's a ghost in my machines.

You're on standby

Standby for my death

Can't fight your pressure

For fear of my own death.

I don't want to go to sleep tonight.

The bed's too warm to be polite.

But I'm too tired to fight.

There is life in the machines.

You're on standby

Standby for my death

Can't fight your pressure

For fear of my own death.

I don't want to go to sleep tonight...

...But... I can't .... seem to help...... it.................

[Baseball Furie 2,932]

Re: The Lyric Competition.

It's about a Duel back in the 19th century in a Texan town

A Man rides down a dusty road,

No time to stand and wait,

travelling on his trusty steed,

As he rides towards his fate.

The saloon was bare no one in sight,

As he rode in to town,

but for one silouhetted figure,

content on shooting him down,

No time for cowards no time for wimps,

No time for backing down,

One of these would die today,

The other take his crown.

CONTINUED:

As he reached for his trusty friend,

For one of these men it would be the end,

a whirling wind and haunting sound,

He collects himself and looks down at the ground.

The time is here he lifts his hand,

shoots so quick the foe is damned.

He falls down with a mighty scream,

The man stands tall and believes it a dream,

For the foe today will be his last,

as he pictures memories of his past.

[Sky Blue Lee 5,407]

Re: The Lyric Competition.

A Man rides down a dusty road' date='

No time to stand and wait,

travelling on his trusty steed,

As he rides towards his fate.

The saloon was bare no one in sight,

As he rode in to town,

but for one silouhetted figure,

content on shooting him down,

No time for cowards no time for wimps,

No time for backing down,

One of these would die today,

The other take his crown.

As he reached for his trusty friend,

For one of these men it would be the end,

a whirling wind and haunting sound,

He collects himself and looks down at the ground.

The time is here he lifts his hand,

shoots so quick the foe is damned.

He falls down with a mighty scream,

The man stands tall and believes it a dream,

For the foe today will be his last,

as he pictures memories of his past.[/quote']

Hmmm, I was considering a second final verse here, more a reprise of the first, as it rounds off the tale nicely.

A Man rides down a dusty road,

He had seen his fate.

Travelling on his trusty steed,

Another day awaits.

[quaresman 151]

Re: The Lyric Competition.

If you've got dreams in your heart

why don't you share them with me?

and if dreams don't come true

I'll make sure that

you're nightmares

are through

If you've got pain in your heart

why don't you share it with me?

and we'll just wait and see

if it's half of what it used to be

And lay it down slow

lay it down free

lay it down easy

but lay it on me

If you've got love in your heart

why don't you keep it with mine?

I can't promise a miracle

but I'll always be trying

And lay it down slow

lay it down free

lay it down easy

but lay it on me

Lay it down easy

lay it on me

Lay it down easy

but lay it on me

[Sky Blue Lee 5,407]

Re: The Lyric Competition.

I just threw this together now in about 15 minutes. It's about a girl who is in a good relationship with her boyfriend, but when another man of equal qualities arrives on the scene, she is stuck as to who to go with.

It's pretty much on the ground floor at the minute, but give me your feedback and edits and we can get it better.

The Good Kind of Heartbreak...?

So there's this pretty little girl

She's in a pretty damn good world

She's got a lovely fella by her side

But there's another bloke in town

Given her world a little frown

Her head's getting ever-so-slightly fried

This boy's a little quiet

Humour he can supply it

But he keeps it in his headcase box

Her man can do the same

more often, Such a shame

That she may leave him out on the rocks!

She flips a coin

Heads or tails?

Her man or the boy?

Can she fail?

Oh, who can say?!

The girl's got a headache!

She doesn't know

Which one to go for

One or the other

They both live with their mothers

Is this the good kind of heartbreak?

She flips a coin

Heads or tails?

Her man or the boy?

Can she fail?

She tries to keep a one-track mind

But she's beginning now to find

It difficult to keep her mind still

But even though she's plain confused

She's trying so hard to refuse

The chance to change her man just for the thrill.

The girl's got a headache!

It's a tug-o'-war

And she feels like a whore!

She can choose right or left

But stays emotionally messed

Is this the good kind of heartbreak?

Either way she's satisfied

She'll have someone with to abide

Yet for the one she leaves she will still ache

The sword is double-edged

Just like her one-man pledge

Whoever it is, there will be heartbreak.

[Chambo 3,330]

Re: The Lyric Competition.

If you've got dreams in your heart

why don't you share them with me?

and if dreams don't come true

I'll make sure that

you're nightmares

are through

If you've got pain in your heart

why don't you share it with me?

and we'll just wait and see

if it's half of what it used to be

And lay it down slow

lay it down free

lay it down easy

but lay it on me

If you've got love in your heart

why don't you keep it with mine?

I can't promise a miracle

but I'll always be trying

And lay it down slow

lay it down free

lay it down easy

but lay it on me

Lay it down easy

lay it on me

Lay it down easy

but lay it on me

This is class imo

[craig 8,164]

Re: The Lyric Competition.

When you have your lyrics completed you can post them in the SONGWRITERS THREAD.

They will be made into a song and uploaded on YOUTUBE. (then posted in songwriters thread)

here's an example with Lyrics posted in the SONGWRITERS THREAD by SKY BLUE LEE.

SONG NAME: WITH SOMEONE ELSE

LYRICS: SKY BLUE LEE

MUSIC: CRAIG

XKk0laENPDc

[PrestonDan 488]

Re: The Lyric Competition.

a quick poem

On soccer manager i am the greatest,

Barcelona title was the latest.

Its not just the tactics or the players i buy.

The fans sing my name with a tear in their eye.

Either four five one or Three five two,

My opposition doesnt have a clue.

Cos i'm winning and my fans a singing,

and thank me for the cups im bringing.

[craig 8,164]

Re: The Lyric Competition.

a quick poem

On football manager i am the greatest' date='

Barcelona title was the latest.

Its not just the tactics or the players i buy.

The fans sing my name with a tear in their eye.

Either four five one or Three five two,

My opposition doesnt have a clue.

Cos i'm winning and my fans a singing,

and thank me for the cups im bringing.

Dont put this on utube or make it into anything, i can do it myself if i wanted to. Cheers[/quote']

no problem, it won't be

You'd have to post it in the SONGWRITERS THREAD first,

before it is considered.

[Sky Blue Lee 5,407]

Re: The Lyric Competition.

Lee needs help with this one.

Complex is the word to use

To summarise my mind

It fidgets as if I'd been abused

And to you I show only one part

I've got my knee stuck in the railings

And my foot's in my mouth

Tried to travel up to you

But my mind's headed down south

And I've tried so hard to untie

This gordian knot

When I said you're all I need

I lied, I'm missing a lot

[Baseball Furie 2,932]

Re: The Lyric Competition.

get this back on track:

I've been missing you for so long,

Hoping for you to come home,

Wishing to see you through that door,

Is love such a crime?

You said you loved me then,

I say I love you now,

I wish we could start again,

Just give me some more time.

It's a slow acoustic love song, and hope to add a more powerful chorus to it

It's just a start, just wanted some feedback on it, nothing too harsh please it's my first idea's in a while

[Sky Blue Lee 5,407]

Re: The Lyric Competition.

Yay! Mo' lyrics!

Here's the now-complete version of what I posted last time, entitled 'Two Sides to Every Lie'.

Complex is the word to use

To summarise my mind

It shifts as though it's been abused

And to you I show only one part

I tell you I'm a man of my word but

You don't know my words are scrambled

My meanings aren't so absolute

What goes around comes around.

I've got my knee stuck in the railings

And my foot's in my mouth

Tried to travel up to you

But my mind's headed down south

And I've tried so hard to untie

This gordian knot

When I said you're all I need

I lied, I'm missing a lot

It's not that I don't feel bad

I won't be 'til I've been caught out

But when I miss the things I had

Can't blame me for wanting them

I tell you you're the only one but hey,

You don't know of my history

Gluttony's pleasure but as they say

What goes around comes around

I've got my knee stuck in the railings

And my foot's in my mouth

Tried to travel up to you

But my mind's headed down south

And I've tried so hard to untie

This gordian knot

When I said you're all I need

I lied, I'm missing a lot

What goes around comes around.

And here's a shorter, more harrowing, yet more optimistic one, entitled 'Easy Pickings'.

I hear you're easy pickings again

How splendid

And now I am wanting you again

How splendid

And I'll try not to have you again

How splendid

And I hope that I'm lying again

How splendid

You know I'm free all the time

Yes, always

But am I still lonely all the time

Yes, always

I'm still asking for you all the time

Yes, always

I want you to answer every time

"Yes, always"

I hear you're easy pickings again

How splendid

get this back on track:

I've been missing you for so long' date='

Hoping for you to come home,

Wishing to see you through that door,

Is love such a crime?

You said you loved me then,

I say I love you now,

I wish we could start again,

Just give me some more time.

It's a slow acoustic love song, and hope to add a more powerful chorus to it

It's just a start, just wanted some feedback on it, nothing too harsh please it's my first idea's in a while [/quote']

Oi, Batman! I noticed you wrote lyrics similar to these earlier on in the thread. Put them together.

I've made a few mistakes.

you know that this is true,

When I try to say I'm sorry,

It means that I love you.

Your all I ever wanted,

all I ever need,

Me and you forever baby,

Is the way that it should be.

You'll never just quite know,

How I love you,

But I'll prove it time and time again,

To show you it's all true.

So be mine forever and never look back in vain,

I love you so much and I Don't want to lose you again.

Them's yours.

[Baseball Furie 2,932]

Re: The Lyric Competition.

I prefer the lyrical and sentence structure to my second piece, I realised you don't always have to rhyme.

Weirdly, listen to Biffy Clyro - Many Of Horrors, I got the inspiration for the second off that, I like how it is put together

[Sky Blue Lee 5,407]

Re: The Lyric Competition.

Well, you know me. I'm always toying with new ideas in terms of constructing songs and stuff.

Maybe seeing as the verses don't rhyme, perhaps make the chorus rhyme, in order to really sell it, and get some more power out of it. This occurs of course by making the chorus catchier, and different in style to the rest of the song in the way it's written. I don't really want to throw some actual lyrics into your melting pot at the minute; I'm a bit barren at the mo, still trying to cook up some of my current ideas into actual songs myself, and besides, it's your song. Them's just some ideas to help.

[Baseball Furie 2,932]

Re: The Lyric Competition.

Well' date=' you know me. I'm always toying with new ideas in terms of constructing songs and stuff.

Maybe seeing as the verses don't rhyme, perhaps make the chorus rhyme, in order to really sell it, and get some more power out of it. This occurs of course by making the chorus catchier, and different in style to the rest of the song in the way it's written. I don't really want to throw some actual lyrics into your melting pot at the minute; I'm a bit barren at the mo, still trying to cook up some of my current ideas into actual songs myself, and besides, it's your song. Them's just some ideas to help. [/quote']

We need to move and form a band my friend.

[Sky Blue Lee 5,407]

Re: The Lyric Competition.

We need to move and form a band my friend.

OOH, OOH, OOH!!!!

Bagsy drums!

[Baseball Furie 2,932]

Re: The Lyric Competition.

OOH' date=' OOH, OOH!!!!

Bagsy drums![/quote']

ohh, ohh, bagsy, hmm can I sing? I'd love to but don't know if I can. If not, guitar

[Sky Blue Lee 5,407]

Re: The Lyric Competition.

Here's a lyric I just came up with.

I believe in Heaven now,

Just so you have somewhere to go.

[Midnight to Six 5,396]

Re: The Lyric Competition.

Here's a lyric I just came up with.

I believe in Heaven now' date='

Just so you have somewhere to go.[/i']

Quite interesting that. And I believe quite true in a lot of cases. The thought of 'nothingness' is quite a tough one to grasp and people don't really give it much though. Nice one

[Sky Blue Lee 5,407]

Re: The Lyric Competition.

So I've finished it now.

For A Friend

You would say it's for the best

Now that only your friends are all that's left

To live without you

I still grasp your hand firmly

My friend, I have to let you move on

But I will keep you

For a friend away

I preserve your colour.

For every day

That isn't forever.

For the true way

Our souls combined

For a friend

Who's left behind.

The ones who know you

Have your life forever kept

Within themselves

They say it's for the best

As without something, it is best loved

For all ourselves.

For a friend away

I preserve your colour.

For every day

That isn't forever.

For the true way

Our souls combined

For a friend

Who's left behind.

I believe in Heaven

So that there is somewhere

For you to go.