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Tom's Comedy Corner [All Things Comedy]

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Re: Tom's Comedy Corner [All Things Comedy]

Re: Tom's Comedy Corner [All Things Comedy] Don't know if many people know of a sketch show from 2 or 3 years ago called "Man Stroke Woman". I loved it & reckon its very under-rated so i thought

Re: Tom's Comedy Corner [All Things Comedy]

Yes, after a long time it's BACK! Tom's Comedy Corner will gladly accept these new additions...

1. Gandalf goes to the World Cup!


2. Pop Song by Jon LaJoie


3. Terrorist in Love



4. How To Report News


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Re: Tom's Comedy Corner [All Things Comedy]

Pokemon - the movie



Axe - Clean Your Balls


Dark Suckers

Bell Labs Proves Existence of Dark Suckers

For years it has been believed that electric bulbs emitted light. However,

recent information from Bell Labs has proven otherwise. Electric bulbs

don't emit light, they suck dark. Thus they now call these bulbs dark

suckers. The dark sucker theory, according to a Bell Labs spokesperson,

proves the existence of dark, that dark has mass heavier than that of

light, and that dark is faster than light.

The basis of the dark sucker theory is that electric bulbs suck dark. Take

for example, the dark suckers in the room where you are. There is less dark

right next to them than there is elsewhere. The larger the dark sucker, the

greater its capacity to suck dark. Dark suckers in a parking lot have a

much greater capacity than the ones in this room. As with all things, dark

suckers don't last forever. Once they are full of dark, they can no longer

suck. This is proven by the black spot on a full dark sucker. A candle is a

primitive dark sucker. lA new candle has a white wick. You will notice that

after the first use, the wick turns black, representing all the dark which

has been sucked into it. If you hold a pencil next to the wick of an

operating candle, the tip will turn black because it got in the path of the

dark flowing into the candle.

Unfortunately, these primitive dark suckers have a very limited range.

There are also portable dark suckers. The bulbs in these can't handle all

of the dark by themselves, and must be aided by a dark storage unit. When

the dark storage unit is full, it must be either emptied or replaced before

the portable dark sucker can operate again.

Dark has mass. When dark goes into a dark sucker, friction from this mass

generates heat. Thus it is not wise to touch an operating dark sucker.

Candles present a special problem, as the dark must travel in the solid

wick instead of through glass. This generates a great amount of heat. Thus

it can be very dangerous to touch an operating candle. Dark is also heavier

than light. If you swim deeper and deeper, you notice it gets slowly darker

and darker. When you reach a depth of approximately fifty feet, you are in

total darkness. This is because the heavier dark sinks to the bottom of the

lake and the lighter light floats to the top. The immense power of dark can

be utilized to mans advantage. We can collect the dark that has settled to

the bottom of lakes and push it through turbines, which generate

electricity and help push it to the ocean where it may be safely stored.

Prior to turbines, it was much more difficult to get dark from the rivers

and lakes to the ocean. The Indians recognized this problem, and tried to

solve it. When on a river in a canoe travelling in the same direction as

the flow of the dark, they paddled slowly, so as not to stop the flow of

dark, but when they traveled against the flow of dark, they paddled quickly

so as to help push the dark along its way.

Finally, we must prove that dark is faster than light. If you were to stand

in an illuminated room in front of a closed, dark closet, then slowly open

the closet door, you would see the light slowly enter the closet, but since

the dark is so fast, you would not be able to see the dark leave the


In conclusion, Bell Labs stated that dark suckers make all our lives much

easier. So the next time you look at an electric bulb remember that it is

indeed a dark sucker.

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Re: Tom's Comedy Corner [All Things Comedy]

Some stuff from http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/You_have_two_cows/19


You might have had two cows; then again, maybe not.

(Soft) Atheism

Even though all the evidence suggests that there are no cows, you still allow the possibility that they exist on the basis that it's theoretically impossible to prove the nonexistence of something (even though the same logic can be used to support the existence of unicorns and Elvis).

Atheism #6

Richard Dawkins says you don't have two cows.


You have two cows. Oh wait... Now you have one cow.

Catholicism #9

You have two cows. You kill one of them since there is only one True Cow.


Confucius say, "It's better to have one cow and be happy than two cows and worry."


You have two cows but they die from cutting themselves.

Hinduism #4

Humans are unworthy of owning cows.

Intelligent Design

Your cows are too complex to have evolved by natural means. Why? Don't ask questions and get down on your knees to praise the lord.

Islam, Fundamentalist

For every tainted bull you kill, seventy-two full-uddered cows await you at the gates of heaven!

Jedi #7

"Two cows, you do have. Owned by you, two cows are."


You may or may not have two cows. You can try to count them, but your perception is flawed.. Therefore, if you see two cows, there may be more, or less cows and you just interpret what you see as seeing two cows. You never get laid in your whole life.

Nihilism 2

You have two cows but they don't care about you and the world doesn't mean anything anyway.

Norse Mythology

You have two cows that will eventually die in Ragnorok.


There is no such things as having absolutely two cows.

Scientology #2

Millions of years ago, Xenu put your cows in a volcano and exploded it with a nuclear bomb. Now their ghosts haunt you and cause all your problems.

Scientology #3

You have two cows. Their souls are tainted but this book can tell you how to save them. It's $5,000,000.

Scientology #5

You have two cows. When they dissent from Dianetic dogma, you torment them with public humiliation and purgatory ceremonies. If the cows continue to defy you, you insidiously destroy their reputations, careers, and finances. And then you complain about the inhumane fashion in which psychiatrists treat their patients. Then you jump on a couch to celebrate.


You proclaim you really know nothing about any cows. People execute you because you apparently don't believe in their two cows. You get it on with boys.


You have two cows. One of them tramples you, the other one mauls you. You feel nothing.

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