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Chuck Norris Facts

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Some facts of Chuck Norris that you should know:D

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.

They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take **** from anybody.

A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost

Chuck Norris’ house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.

In the beginning there was nothing...then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said "Get a job". That is the story of the universe.

It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.

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Chuck Norris doesn't grow hair on his balls. Hair doesn't grow on steel.

If you have $5 and Chuck Norris has $5, Chuck Norris has more money than you.

When Chuck Norris jumps into water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. The water gets Chuck Norris'd.

Chuck Norris can tie his shoes with his feet.

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Re: Chuck Norris Facts

Know a few of these myself..

Chuck Norris is the reason why Wally (aka Waldo) is hiding.

When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down

My personal favourite - Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

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In jurassic park when the dinasour was chasing the jeep, it was Chuck Norris chasing the dinasour chasing the jeep.

Chuck Norris can not only accelerate beyond the speed of light, he can also accelerate beyond the speed of dark.

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My favourite one at the moment is probably:

Chuck Norris doesn't get Frostbite, Chuck Norris bites frost.

A few more:

Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

Chuck Norris invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his monther's womb.

If at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesnt wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

Chuck Norris can be unlocked on the hardest level of Tekken. But only Chuck Norris is skilled enough to unlock himself. Then he roundhouse kicks the Playstation back to Japan.

Most people fear the Reaper. Chuck Norris considers him "a promising Rookie".

One time, at band camp, Chuck Norris ate a percussionist.

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Re: Chuck Norris Facts

LOL' date=' great thread. Sadly being a Portuguese I do not know any of those Chuck Norris's facts.[/quote']

Google my friend!

- Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

- Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

- The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.

- What was going through the minds of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.

- The following is a short list of things Chuck Norris cannot do:

If you make a list of 10 things Chuck Norris cannot do, he will appear at your house and perform them all. Your life may be forfeit.

- Chuck Norris isn't funny, stop laughing.

- Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.

- Q: What’s 30 times Chuck Norris?

A: Oblivion.

- Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.

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Google is amazing :o

There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.

Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.

Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.

:P

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There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.

Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.

Iraq did have WMDs, Chuck Norris was on vacation there

Chuck Norris has a fist under his beard

Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the leaning tower of pizza

Most people put their trousers on one leg at a time, Chuck Norris does both egs at once

Chuck Norris counted to infinity twice

There is no such thing as a lesbian, only girls who haven't met Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer

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Chuck norris doesn't stare, he simply looks for any signs of weakness.

Chuck Norris once had a staring contest, his opponent is still blind to this day.

Chuck Norris was the fourth wise man. He gave Jesus the gift of the beard. Jesus treasured this gift most. The other three wise men collaborated to get Chuck out of the Bible. A few weeks later the three wise men were found dead by round-house kick related injuries.

Once, a blind man stepped on Chuck Norris' foot. To this, Chuck Norris replied:

"Don't you know who I am?".

The blind man shook his head.

"I'm Chuck Norris"

The mere mention of his name cured the blind man of his blindness. Sadly, the first, only, and last thing this blind man saw was a fatal roundhouse kick to the face.

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Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.

The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.

Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.

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They say curiosity killed the cat. This is false. Chuck Norris killed the cat. Every single one of them.

Chuck Norris crossed the road. No one has ever dared question his motives. (I actually LOL'd at this)

He, who laughs last, laughs best. He who laughs at Chuck Norris … dies

Chuck Norris keeps his friends close and his enemies closer. Close enough to drop them with one round house kick to the face.

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Chuck Norris does not wear a condom. Because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris.

Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.

Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

Chuck Norris doesn't breathe, he holds air hostage.

Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes.

When Chuck Norris crosses the street, the cars have to look both ways.

When Chuck Norris looks in the mirror the only reflection image he sees is me . .:D:p:)

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A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.

Thousands of years ago Chuck Norris came across a bear. It was so terrified that it fled north into the arctic. It was also so terrified that all of its decendents now have white hair.

Archeologists unearthed an old english dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered Chuck Norris"

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