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Bad joke competition!!!


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Re: Bad joke competition!!! Manchester City have bid £45m for Raoul Moat. They don't know anything about him but have heard everyone is after him.

Eazy come/ Eazy go. There was a little boy by the name of Eazy. Eazy was an ordinary little boy who did ordinary little boy things, like playing, eating, bathing, destroying things, and going to sch

Re: Bad joke competition!!! What's the difference between the English team and the English teabag? Answer: The teabag stays in the cup longer.

Re: Bad joke competition!!!

Got a couple of United jokes :D

-How do you confuse a Man united fan?

Give him a map of manchester

-So Jose Mourinho has allegedly punched a manchester united fan, no way should he be charged, I mean he was only checking they were real

Come on, a manchester united fan in manchester, you'd have to check it wasn't an apparition

-manchester united have announced that their open-top bus celebrations for winning the premier league will take place this Sunday. The starting point will be at Trafalgar square.

Phew......thank goodness for that.I thought I might have to travel to manchester.

Buying Cristiano Ronaldo - £80 million

Wages per week - £225,000

Signing on bonus - £3 million

Future goal and assist bonusses - £1.5 million

The look on manchester united fans faces next season when they realise they were in fact a one-man team - Priceless.

Got a book full of footy jokes, I'll try and find it in the morning a post a few up.

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Guest Ciaranmc2k10

Re: Bad joke competition!!!

This has probaly been said.

Jose Mourinho has been offered the man u job he had this to say I know I'm special but not that special.

Why do Chelsea watch chelsea t.v

to see them winning

why do man u watch man u t.v

to see them winning

why do liverpool watch history t.v

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Re: Bad joke competition!!!

A rather dim fan arrives at a football match midway through the second half.

"What's the score?" he asks his friend as he settles into his seat.

"Nil-nil," comes the reply.

"And what was the score at half-time?" he asks.

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First fan: "I wish I'd brought the piano to the stadium."

Second fan: "Why would you bring a piano to the football game?"

First fan: "Because I left the tickets on it."

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

A match between two non-League teams took place last winter in the North of England. It had been raining heavily all week and the ground resembled a swamp.

However, the referee ruled that play was possible and tossed the coin to determine ends.

The visiting captain won the toss and, after a moment's thought, said, 'OK - we'll take the shallow end!'

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Q. If David Beckham were to become one of the Spice Girls which one would he turnout to be?

A. Waste of Spice!

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Q. What is the difference between an aeroplane kit and David Beckham?

A.One is a glueless kit, the other is a clueless git.

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A bad football team is like an old bra - no cups and little support.

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Guest Scout Maker

Re: Bad joke competition!!!

not a joke but a few Anagrams

Sex organ fuel

Lump on A**e

Go get beers

Sex Organ Fuel = A Flex Surgeon :P

Lump on AR5s = A enol rumps :D

Go Get Beers = Be Tegs Re Go :D

Got these from some Anagram solver website :P

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Re: Bad joke competition!!!

pretty lame but

what do you call an english men in a WC final?

referee (howard webb)

Where do you find a turtle with no legs?

Right where you left it.

Did you hear about the two ants on the toilet seat? One of them got ****** off.

What do you call a pig with three eyes?

a piiig

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Re: Bad joke competition!!!

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"

The blonde said, "How about 50 pounds?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"

The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.

"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the £50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

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Re: Bad joke competition!!!

A blonde' date=' wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"

The blonde said, "How about 50 pounds?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"

The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.

"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the £50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."[/quote']

Thats amazingly old :)

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Re: Bad joke competition!!!

wat bout this one

A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of b****es who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of b****es who are getting on, get your a55e5s in the train, cause we're going down the tracks."

The mother went nuts and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language."

Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon." She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."

As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are p*ss*d off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the b***h in the kitchen."

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Re: Bad joke competition!!!

Here's one for you:

A blonde walks into the casino, and see's a vending machine and starts placing coins in the machine.

She places £1 into the machine, a can of coke comes out

She places another £1 into the machine, another can of coke comes out

She does this continuingly untill she's placed over £20 into the machine and recived 20 cans of coke.

A line builds up, and the man behind her starts complaining to her that she's creating a que and costing people time.

The blonde turns around and says "Silence, i'm winning" :D:p

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Re: Bad joke competition!!!

Here's one for you:

A blonde walks into the casino' date=' and see's a vending machine and starts placing coins in the machine.

She places £1 into the machine, a can of coke comes out

She places another £1 into the machine, another can of coke comes out

She does this continuingly untill she's placed over £20 into the machine and recived 20 cans of coke.

A line builds up, and the man behind her starts complaining to her that she's creating a que and costing people time.

The blonde turns around and says "Silence, i'm winning" :D:p[/quote']

good i like it lol

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