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Bad joke competition!!!


Sky Blue Lee
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Guest the plummer

Re: Bad joke competition!!!

How do you get all the Chatroom mods' date=' and the Forum Admins into a phone box?

Put Ste Gore in first and they all crawl up his arse.[/quote']

ROFL NEED TO MEET THIS GUY

Want To Get This Thread Going?

A Man Went to a zoo with his wife and kids. While thier he noticed their was a orange polar bear. His kid turns to him and says father i want you to touch that polar bear and give me one of its hair

Later at night when the zoo was shut the man walks up to the police guard and says "i want to see the polar bear"

"erm mate long as you dont touch him ok?"

"Yeh no problem says the Dad"

He goes up to the bear quietly trying not to anger it. He walks right up and touches the bear and pulls out a hair. He starts to walk away when the polar bear looks at him angerly. He starts running but the polar bears starts running aswell. The man gets on the bus and tells the driver to drive fastly away. Apon doing this he gets of at the other side of town but when he turns the corner the bear is thier again. He then goes and catches a plane to the other side of the world. While in OZ he relaxes but then notices the polar bear still running after him. He then runs for miles and miles and then falls over a dogs poo. The polar bear catches him and puts his arm on him and says TIG !!!

He Then Runs away

PML

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Guest msissio

Re: Bad joke competition!!!

If you are easily offended don't read on!

A little girl (about 4 or 5) was watching her dad get dressed for work. As he was stepping out of the shower, the girl pointed to his member and asked "Daddy, when will I get one of those?"

The father looked at his watch, then said "In 5 minutes, when your mother goes to work."

Zing!

Yes I know it's offensive. Don't neg rep me bro!

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Re: Bad joke competition!!!

And some more Shocking jokes

1. Two blondes walk into a building........ .. you'd think at least

one of them would have seen it

2. Phone answering machine message - "...If you want to buy

marijuana, press the hash key..."

3. A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Clingfilm for shorts.

The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."

4. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I

couldn't find any.

5. I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he

couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, "No, the steaks

are too high."

6. My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him

in.

7. A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He shouted,

"Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied "I know you

can't, I've cut your arms off".

8. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a muscle.

9. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. They lit a fire in the

craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your

kayak and heat it too.

10. Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered

with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.

11. Man goes to the doctor, with a strawberry growing out of his

head. Doc says "I'll give you some cream to put on it."

12. 'Doc I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home'. "That

sounds like Tom Jones syndrome." 'Is it common?' "It's not unusual."

13. A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. "My dog is cross-eyed, is

there anything you can do for him?" "Well," said the vet, "let's have

a look at him". So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then he

checks his teeth. Finally, the vet says, "I'm going to have to put

him down." "What? Because he's cross-eyed?"

"No, because he's really heavy".

14. Guy goes into the doctor's. "Doc, I've got a cricket ball stuck

up my backside." "...How's that?"

"Don't you start." (someone please explain this one to me lol!)

15. Two elephants walk off a cliff...boom, boom!

16. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

What do you call a deer with no eyes? No idea.

17. So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can you

give me a lift?" I said "Sure. You look great ... the world's your

oyster ... go for it."

18. Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. There are 5

people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or

my Dad, or my older Brother Colin, or my younger Brother Ho-Cha-Chu?

But I think its Colin.

19. Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other "Your round." The

other one says "So are you, you fat bast**d!"

20. Police arrested two kids yesterday; one was drinking battery

acid, and the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let

the other one off.

21. "You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving

today." They left a little note on the windscreen. It said, 'Parking

Fine.' "So that was nice of them."

22. A man walked into the doctors, he said, "I've hurt my arm in

several places". The doctor said, "Well don't go there anymore".

"Doctor, doctor when I bend my arm like this it hurts." "Well don't

do it!"

23. Ireland's worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a

small two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery. Irish search

and rescue workers have recovered 1826 bodies so far and expect that

number to climb as digging continues into the night.

Anne Donnelly

Managing Director

Freelance Office Services & Virtual Assistance

If you're in a predicament and need a fast, reliable service, then maybe you can hire the 'VA Team'!

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Re: Bad joke competition!!!

Well here are some unbelievably, outstandingly, amazingly rubbish jokes. :D

* How do you know policemen are strong?

Because they can hold up traffic.

* Why were the suspenders arrested?

For holding up a pair of pants.

* Two fish were in a tank. One said to the other, "Do you know how to drive this thing?"

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  • 4 weeks later...
  • 2 weeks later...

Re: Bad joke competition!!!

here are some i found on comedy central:

A guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender if he will give him a free beer if he shows him something amazing. The bartender agrees, so the guys pulls out a hamster, who begins dancing and singing "Tuff Enuff" by the Fabulous Thunderbirds.

"That IS amazing!" says the bartender and gives the guy his free beer.

"If I show you something else amazing, will you give me another beer?" The bartender agrees, so the guy pulls out a small piano and a hamster and a frog. Now the hamster plays the piano while the frog dances and sings "You Ain't Seen Nothing Yet" by Bachman-Turner Overdrive.

The bartender, completely wowed, gives him another beer. A man in a suit, who's been watching the entire time, offers to buy the frog for a princely sum, which the man agrees to.

"Are you nuts?" asks the bartender. "You could've made a fortune off that frog."

"Can you keep a secret?" asks the man. "The hamster's a ventriloquist."

:D :D :D

teacher asks her students if they're Yankees fans. All of the hands go up except for one student.

"Okay, Bobby. What team are you a fan of?"

"The Red Sox."

"Why's that?"

"Well, my parents are both Red Sox fans, so I'm a Red Sox fan too."

"That's not a good answer, Bobby. If your parents were both morons, would you be a moron too?"

"No, that would make me a Yankees fan!"

Did you hear about the shoe factory that burnt down?

Two hundred soles were lost.

This one is one i remember from some time ago.

Did you hear about the fight in the chip shop?

The fish was battered

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Re: Bad joke competition!!!

Got this one sent to my phone' date=' very bad i think:[/size']

A

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Thats good all the buttons on my phone are ok.

Sorry to disturb you!!!

Shockingly bad.

yeah thats a waste of credit. what a rubbush joke seriously!!:eek:

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Re: Bad joke competition!!!

Why does a caveman never feel lonely?

Cos' he's always got a club with him :P

An organization is like a tree full of monkeys, all on different limbs at different levels.

Some monkeys are climbing up, some down.

The monkeys on top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces.

The monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but ********.

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Re: Bad joke competition!!!

What do clouds wear under their clothes?

Thunderware. (Awful)

What do you call 10 Chelsea fans on the moon?

Problem..

What Do you call 100 Chelsea fans on the moon?

Problem...

What do you call ALL the Chelsea fans on the moon?

Problem Solved.. :)

:(

What you call a blades fan?

Mouthy ;)

Dr.Watson comes home to find the front door painted yellow, confused by this, he walks in and asks Sherlock Holmes: "Why is the door yellow?"

he replies with "Lemon Entry dear Watson"

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Re: Bad joke competition!!!

Scene setting,

Doctor of SM Asylum interviewing two release candidates.;)

Doctor:

If i let you out Teb what will you do .

Teb:

Buy myself a catapult and smash all the windows .

Gets taken back to his padded cell.

Doctor:

If i let you out Crazy bones what will you do .

Bones:

Well doc since ive been in here ive been deprived of a woman.

Doctor :

Go on

Bones:

If i was released the first thing i would do is find a fantastc looking sexy woman .

Doctor :

Your doing well Crazy Bones carry on

Bones :

Well after finding her i would take her to a Hotel and book a room for us .

Doctor getting very excited :

GO ON

Bones :

Well i would start to slowly take all her clothes off ,

Blouse ,then skirt and then her Bra.

Doctor sweating and fidgetting like mad :

GO ON DONT STOP NOW GO ON YOUR DOING BRILLIANT

Bones :

Well once the Bra is removed i would slip her knickers off her and take the elastic out build a catapult and smash all the windows.:D

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Re: Bad joke competition!!!

Scene setting' date='

Doctor of SM Asylum interviewing two release candidates.;)

Doctor:

If i let you out Teb what will you do .

Teb:

Buy myself a catapult and smash all the windows .

[b']Gets taken back to his padded cell.[/b]

Doctor:

If i let you out Crazy bones what will you do .

Bones:

Well doc since ive been in here ive been deprived of a woman.

Doctor :

Go on

Bones:

If i was released the first thing i would do is find a fantastc looking sexy woman .

Doctor :

Your doing well Crazy Bones carry on

Bones :

Well after finding her i would take her to a Hotel and book a room for us .

Doctor getting very excited :

GO ON

Bones :

Well i would start to slowly take all her clothes off ,

Blouse ,then skirt and then her Bra.

Doctor sweating and fidgetting like mad :

GO ON DONT STOP NOW GO ON YOUR DOING BRILLIANT

Bones :

Well once the Bra is removed i would slip her knickers off her and take the elastic out build a catapult and smash all the windows.:D

hahaha oh god! :D

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