Jump to content

Bad joke competition!!!


Recommended Posts

  • Replies 282
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

Top Posters In This Topic

Popular Posts

Re: Bad joke competition!!! Manchester City have bid £45m for Raoul Moat. They don't know anything about him but have heard everyone is after him.

Eazy come/ Eazy go. There was a little boy by the name of Eazy. Eazy was an ordinary little boy who did ordinary little boy things, like playing, eating, bathing, destroying things, and going to sch

Re: Bad joke competition!!! What's the difference between the English team and the English teabag? Answer: The teabag stays in the cup longer.

Re: Bad joke competition!!!

A Portuguese, a French and a American are speaking..

Says the American: 'in America, we have a aircraft-carrier that carries 1000 aircrafts.'

Says the French: 'in France, we have an hotel that accommodates 20 000 people.'

Says the Portuguese: ' i have a d*** where can be contained 200 perched birds.'

Some minutes later..

Says the american: ' i exagerated a bit.. the aircraft-carrier carries only 150 aircrafts!'

Says the french: ' i also exagerated a bit, the hotel only accommodates 1000 people!'

Says the Portuguese: ' i confess that i exagerated a bit.. the last bird have one foot outside' :D

Link to post
Share on other sites

Re: Bad joke competition!!!

It was Eclipse birthday so all the chat mods thought they would club together and take him out for the day in the countryside as a treat and finish his day off for him by getting him a female companion which they had to fork out a lot of money for ,at least 3 GM memberships worth.:eek:

Anyway everything went great until the final part of the day ,they hancuffed the female stark naked to a tree in the middle of the village green and told her they would send him to her and to do her stuff which she had been highly paid for .

So 5 minutes later Eclipse came over and as she was sexily writhing and groaning to turn him on she said softly " Whats holding you up big boy ,go to town "

And thats how i came to bump into him in Woolworths 15 minutes later.:D

Link to post
Share on other sites

Re: Bad joke competition!!!

It was Eclipse birthday so all the chat mods thought they would club together and take him out for the day in the countryside as a treat and finish his day off for him by getting him a female companion which they had to fork out a lot of money for ' date='at least 3 GM memberships worth.:eek:

Anyway everything went great until the final part of the day ,they hancuffed the female stark naked to a tree in the middle of the village green and told her they would send him to her and to do her stuff which she had been highly paid for .

So 5 minutes later Eclipse came over and as she was sexily writhing and groaning to turn him on she said softly " Whats holding you up big boy ,go to town "

And thats how i came to bump into him in Woolworths 15 minutes later.:D[/quote']

Needed to go to Woolworths to get my GIRLFRIEND a Valentines day Present ;):D

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 1 month later...

Re: Bad joke competition!!!

I Have a GREAT joke:rolleyes:

A man walked into the bank and said....

Can i have some money please :)

AMAZING HUH?;)

thats not even a joke so that sucks :/

An Englishman, Irishman and a Scotsman all walk into a bar, the barman shouts:

"What the **** is this? Some kind of a joke?"

Two women in heaven were discussing how they had died.

"I froze to death. It wasn't so bad, though. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm and sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you?"

"I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den, watching TV."

"So what happened?"

"I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched and down to the basement.

"Then I went through every closet and checked under every bed. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally became so exhausted that I just keeled over and died with a massive heart attack."

"Too bad you didn't look in the freezer; we'd both still be alive."

:)

Link to post
Share on other sites

Re: Bad joke competition!!!

A lady in her late 40's went to a plastic surgeon for a facelift. The doctor told her of a new procedure called "The Knob." This small knob is planted onthe back of a woman's head and can be turned to tighten up the skin to produce the effect of a brand new facelift forever. Of course, the woman wanted "The Knob,".

Fifteen years later the woman went back to the surgeon with 2 problems. "All these years everything had been working just fine. I've had to turn the knob on lots of occasions and I've loved the results. But now I've developed two annoying problems. First of all, I've got these terrible bags under my eyes and the knob won't get rid of them." The doctor looked at her and said,

"Those aren't bags, those are your breasts."

She replied, "Well, I guess that explains the goatee."

:D

Link to post
Share on other sites

Re: Bad joke competition!!!

Chasity Belt

A man decided to march in the holy crusades. Concluding that his wife should wear a chastity belt while he is gone, he locks up her nether regions and gives the key to his best friend. He tells him, “If I do not return within four years, unlock my wife and set her free to live a normal life.”

So, the husband leaves on horseback and about a half hour later, he sees a cloud of dust behind him. He waits for it to come closer and sees his best friend. “What's wrong?' ” he asks.

“You gave me the wrong key!”

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 3 weeks later...

Re: Bad joke competition!!!

How many fans of Man Utd are necessary to change a lamp?

No one. They like to live in shadows.. :|

Arsenal process Microsoft:

Arsenal will process judicially the powerful Microsoft.

Arsenal in next Wednesday will make enter a judicial process in Sports Tribunal against the informatics giant, Microsoft.

The reason, according to the president, is that Microsoft is using their slogan in programs like Excel, Word and Powerpoint.

One of the lawyers explained, always when we start a program of Microsoft appears 'without title'.

Arsenal feels hurter because Microsoft is using a thing that not belongs to them, a slogan that is the identification of them in football world for lucrative ends.

'we will go to the last instances' said the Arsenal's president.

Bill Gates not said anything about this.. :\

you know what made the Liverpool players after win the Premierleague, the FA and league cup?

They turn off the playstation..

:|

Link to post
Share on other sites

Re: Bad joke competition!!!

Teb and I had tried to find his missing Apple Tree ,but we somehow got of track

( easy really if you ever follow Tebs instructions )

and had been lost in a desert for weeks, and we were at death's door. As we stumble on, hoping for salvation in the form of an oasis or something similar, we suddenly spy, through the heat haze, a small tree off in the distance. As we get closer, we can see its not his Apple Tree but that this tree is draped with rasher upon rasher of bacon. There's smoked bacon, crispy bacon, life-giving juicy nearly-raw bacon, all sorts. And the smell... oh, the glorious smell!" "Look Teb my friend ," says I. "It's a bacon tree!" "You're right!" says Teb, "We're saved!" Teb doesn't wait another second. He runs up to the tree salivating at the prospect of food. But just as he gets to within five feet of the tree, there's the sound of machine gun fire, and he is shot down in a hail of bullets.Very quickly i drops down on the sand, and calls across to the dying Teb. "Teb!! Teb!! What on earth happened?" And with his dying breath Teb calls back: "Ugh, run, run!! It's not a Bacon Tree after all..." "...its a ham bush!";)

Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest Toggs

Re: Bad joke competition!!!

listen to this, its alright, a text joke (George is our example)

Hi George, hoping youll be able to come to our pancake day fundraiser at the viallge hall. All the proceeds go to charity, and everybody gets a pancake. Asked you because all we need is a .

lol, quite sad really...

Link to post
Share on other sites

Re: Bad joke competition!!!

Teb and I had tried to find his missing Apple Tree ' date='but we somehow got of track

( easy really if you ever follow Tebs instructions )

and had been lost in a desert for weeks, and we were at death's door. As we stumble on, hoping for salvation in the form of an oasis or something similar, we suddenly spy, through the heat haze, a small tree off in the distance. As we get closer, we can see its not his Apple Tree but that this tree is draped with rasher upon rasher of bacon. There's smoked bacon, crispy bacon, life-giving juicy nearly-raw bacon, all sorts. And the smell... oh, the glorious smell!" "Look Teb my friend ," says I. "It's a bacon tree!" "You're right!" says Teb, "We're saved!" Teb doesn't wait another second. He runs up to the tree salivating at the prospect of food. But just as he gets to within five feet of the tree, there's the sound of machine gun fire, and he is shot down in a hail of bullets.Very quickly i drops down on the sand, and calls across to the dying Teb. "Teb!! Teb!! What on earth happened?" And with his dying breath Teb calls back: "Ugh, run, run!! It's not a Bacon Tree after all..." "...its a ham bush!";)[/quote']

I think we got the winner!!!:P:D

Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest msissio

Re: Bad joke competition!!!

Little Johnny was sitting in class one day. All of the sudden, he needed to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a pisss!!"

The teacher replied, "Now, Johnny, that is NOT the proper word to use in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate.'

Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you to go."

Little Johnny thinks for a bit, then says, "You're an eight, but if you had bigger tits, you'd be a ten!!!"

Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...

×
×
  • Create New...